I can't believe it has been a little over a year working at the library and with Usborne Books and More. I love both jobs. The library is my dream job and it would be even better if I got paid more than once a month and more money. I haven't had a job that paid minimum wage since well ever. Most jobs I've had paid above minimum wage. It is kind of sucky pay...lol. Usborne it's great but I am still working hard at it and not giving up. I am hoping this year I get more clients and past clients call for another party. I continue to work my ass off at both jobs but I enjoy it.
In this year I have also struggled with love and my hearts desire. It is worth the struggle because honestly it is making me a much stronger person every day. I am learning to let go and be myself which is also a challenge. At least I know in the long run that I am who I was meant to be and the person standing next to me for the rest of my life will be the right person, because I struggled and waited patiently.
This year was supposed to be about being myself. It wound up being about finding my self and struggling to be me and nobody else. I love the friends who have helped me become the person I am today. Deborah Cope thanks for teaching me to be financially aware and get out of debt. Benjamin Hyre thanks for listening when I needed somebody. You are both amazing friends and I love you both for being there when I need you most. Any situation I get myself into I know you will be there with words of wisdom to help me through. Which is ironic since it used to be the other way around. Thanks guys you are the best friends a person could ask for.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Changes Are Always Needed...
I really don't know what I can say that I haven't said a million times before. My divorce was finalized exactly 1 month before what would have been my 3rd anniversary and that has alleviated a lot of stress from my plate. If you don't know when I got married it was September 11, 2009 and my divorce was finalized August 11, 2011. Honestly, it was probably one of the best things I have done in a long time. I am working hard to get my life back together again.
Financially, I am getting better. The car has to be put on hold an extra month because well I blew one of the tires on the truck the other day and have to pay $150 to get a new one so that the truck will pass inspection which is currently up as of yesterday. Wow, can you say run on sentence. But at least, after the next couple months I will be able to start an emergency fund which will keep this from ever happening again. This month I am paying the parents back for some things and next month I am going to settle the J.C. Penney account and then I am down to just two bills. The Dell has gone two months past due but I will have it current again this month and will be paying a ton of extra on it each month, while I have the money. I am hoping to have Dell and First Financial paid off by April or May.
I have been working on improving my life. Instead of being on here so often I plan to spend my time reading, exercising and writing. I do want to go back to school but that just isn't a possibility right now. I am actually really lucky right now that all the summer people are gone because I am working full time at the library. Well right now it is 34 hours and starting next week it will be 38 hours, but close enough to full time right. I have been working hard to start saving money but something keeps coming up and that money gets used...usually that something is gas.
I was just reading a friends blog and I can't believe how much every bodies lives have changed. I wish I could say the same for my own. I continue to make the same mistakes because I've dug myself into a hole that is IMPOSSIBLE to get out of right now. I continue to work at it every day. I wish I could throw my burden onto somebody else but that is not how it works.
One of the main reasons I have been struggling is because I miss my friends. One of them moved back last month and I haven't seen her once yet, how is that possible. The others are still in Utah and Germany. I miss my sisters-in-law because when I had a down day they were always there with exactly what I needed. I miss my nephews and the Cope kids because they were the lights of my world shining oh so brightly. Looking at pictures makes me miss them even more because I don't even recognize them.
I get in these moods where I need a change. The only one I can always think of is cutting my hair. Every time I go to my cousin Cassie for a haircut I do something different. It always has layers and is always generally the same length but the style is always different. Next time I go in I am going to color it for free most likely.
I know I am rambling but read the title of the blog. I call it like it is. I will try my hardest to update this blog more often especially since I will be updating the Usborne blog more often as well. It makes it easier to post them together. I am off for tonight
Financially, I am getting better. The car has to be put on hold an extra month because well I blew one of the tires on the truck the other day and have to pay $150 to get a new one so that the truck will pass inspection which is currently up as of yesterday. Wow, can you say run on sentence. But at least, after the next couple months I will be able to start an emergency fund which will keep this from ever happening again. This month I am paying the parents back for some things and next month I am going to settle the J.C. Penney account and then I am down to just two bills. The Dell has gone two months past due but I will have it current again this month and will be paying a ton of extra on it each month, while I have the money. I am hoping to have Dell and First Financial paid off by April or May.
I have been working on improving my life. Instead of being on here so often I plan to spend my time reading, exercising and writing. I do want to go back to school but that just isn't a possibility right now. I am actually really lucky right now that all the summer people are gone because I am working full time at the library. Well right now it is 34 hours and starting next week it will be 38 hours, but close enough to full time right. I have been working hard to start saving money but something keeps coming up and that money gets used...usually that something is gas.
I was just reading a friends blog and I can't believe how much every bodies lives have changed. I wish I could say the same for my own. I continue to make the same mistakes because I've dug myself into a hole that is IMPOSSIBLE to get out of right now. I continue to work at it every day. I wish I could throw my burden onto somebody else but that is not how it works.
One of the main reasons I have been struggling is because I miss my friends. One of them moved back last month and I haven't seen her once yet, how is that possible. The others are still in Utah and Germany. I miss my sisters-in-law because when I had a down day they were always there with exactly what I needed. I miss my nephews and the Cope kids because they were the lights of my world shining oh so brightly. Looking at pictures makes me miss them even more because I don't even recognize them.
I get in these moods where I need a change. The only one I can always think of is cutting my hair. Every time I go to my cousin Cassie for a haircut I do something different. It always has layers and is always generally the same length but the style is always different. Next time I go in I am going to color it for free most likely.
I know I am rambling but read the title of the blog. I call it like it is. I will try my hardest to update this blog more often especially since I will be updating the Usborne blog more often as well. It makes it easier to post them together. I am off for tonight
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
What to do, What to do!?!
So I have come into a dilemma that I just can't figure out. There is a full time secretary position a mile up the road from my house. I don't know the pay or any details about it really except that it is a Secretary position for the Big Beaver Boro Building. But I have always hated Secritarial work which is why I never went back to it.
So my dilemma is do I stay at the job I love at the library even though the pay sucks. I only work two days a week currently but there is a VERY GOOD chance that when the college girls go back to school I will work every day all day which would make the monthly paychecks quite good and easier to live on. I don't want to leave Liz in a jam with only Harriet and Annette there to work because neither of them do anything and she told me that she missed me last week while I was on vacation and the summer girl was there most of the week.
The other job like I said is a mile up the road and if their weren't so many hills and I weren't asthmatic I could walk to work. Which would come in handy when the truck finally dies which will be soon. It would most likely help me get my bills paid off and get a car and real phone plan (my phone sucks). But if I could get back into the Usborne Books and become close to full time at the library that would do that and more as well.
Maybe what I will do is go drop off my resume tomorrow just to see if I get an interview. If I get the interview I will go in and talk to them and go from there. Also I will talk to Liz about my dilemma and see if she is willing to put me on every day next month all day at least two of those days. I know she doesn't want me to leave because I do all the work there and I am usually the most cheerful person there. I do what I'm told and am always going to her for more work.
Agggghhhh....WHAT DO I DO????????
So my dilemma is do I stay at the job I love at the library even though the pay sucks. I only work two days a week currently but there is a VERY GOOD chance that when the college girls go back to school I will work every day all day which would make the monthly paychecks quite good and easier to live on. I don't want to leave Liz in a jam with only Harriet and Annette there to work because neither of them do anything and she told me that she missed me last week while I was on vacation and the summer girl was there most of the week.
The other job like I said is a mile up the road and if their weren't so many hills and I weren't asthmatic I could walk to work. Which would come in handy when the truck finally dies which will be soon. It would most likely help me get my bills paid off and get a car and real phone plan (my phone sucks). But if I could get back into the Usborne Books and become close to full time at the library that would do that and more as well.
Maybe what I will do is go drop off my resume tomorrow just to see if I get an interview. If I get the interview I will go in and talk to them and go from there. Also I will talk to Liz about my dilemma and see if she is willing to put me on every day next month all day at least two of those days. I know she doesn't want me to leave because I do all the work there and I am usually the most cheerful person there. I do what I'm told and am always going to her for more work.
Agggghhhh....WHAT DO I DO????????
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Dreams don't always come true...
So the dreams I have been having (well the ones up until last night) have been amazing and I have been waiting for them to come true. I know they are only dreams but honestly ever dream like I've had recently has come true at one point or another. So I am waiting very patiently for these dreams to come true.
However last nights dream went from something I wish would come true to something completely improbable and bizarre. It started out good and kind of funny but then it just got weird because it did a completely unexpected turn. I did however learn something from this dream. The last thing I said in the dream was "Sir, I can't do that. I love her and I always will. You can't change who you fall in love with it just happens. You love who you love and that's all there is to it."
This world is full of crazy things things like that. But now onto other fun things. I will be out of debt at least 1 year from now if it is the last thing I do. I can't wait for fall to get here because I will have more hours at work. Also I'm hoping that the Usborne thing picks up again. I did a booth tonight and I am looking into a few more. Summer is almost over and I won't get a vacation this year. When the family goes in September I will be working. I am working all next week so I can't go to the beach then. My cousin, Kaylin, and I are planning a short weekend trip somewhere next month though. And at some point this year I plan to make a trip back to Utah to see all my friends again.
Anyways, I think that is all I have to say for now. I will try to update again soon.
However last nights dream went from something I wish would come true to something completely improbable and bizarre. It started out good and kind of funny but then it just got weird because it did a completely unexpected turn. I did however learn something from this dream. The last thing I said in the dream was "Sir, I can't do that. I love her and I always will. You can't change who you fall in love with it just happens. You love who you love and that's all there is to it."
This world is full of crazy things things like that. But now onto other fun things. I will be out of debt at least 1 year from now if it is the last thing I do. I can't wait for fall to get here because I will have more hours at work. Also I'm hoping that the Usborne thing picks up again. I did a booth tonight and I am looking into a few more. Summer is almost over and I won't get a vacation this year. When the family goes in September I will be working. I am working all next week so I can't go to the beach then. My cousin, Kaylin, and I are planning a short weekend trip somewhere next month though. And at some point this year I plan to make a trip back to Utah to see all my friends again.
Anyways, I think that is all I have to say for now. I will try to update again soon.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
There hasn't been much to update you all on but I have been doing A LOT of thinking lately. I always thought that by 27 (which I will be in 10 days) I would be happy, have my life together and have my own family. Honestly I don't know what has changed in my life. Obviously nothing has change except my attitude. As a personal choice I no longer go to church, I have never felt comfortable there and it just keeps getting worse. I am going through a divorce which is almost ready to be finalized. I was only supposed to be back at the parents house for the summer and it has been almost a year (imagine that).
There has been one noticable change in my life and that is my debt issue. I have THREE bills left to pay off. I am slowly working on two of them and they will be paid off by this time next year at the latest. The other one I am just going to pay off as soon as possible. But then there is the fact that I am going to need a car ASAP so I may have to go and get a car loan which I am not looking forward too. I have been working my ass off to pay off my debt and I may not have a choice in the matter. How rude!
As for the summer well the summer goals don't allow for relaxation. I won't quit the library but I will have to find 1 or 2 other jobs to go along with it. If I could do that I would be able to pay off the one bill and possibly get a cheap car for the time being. I just know that the truck isn't going to last much longer so I have to get something soon. I have to be able to get a cheap place apartment somewhere in the next few months too. So I have got to try and work up to 3 jobs this summer so that I can get out of this rut I'm in.
While life is complicated there are bright points and I look forward to them every day. I can't imagine my life without my friends, they have always been a comfort to me. I wish they all lived closer but that is something I can live with to be honest. I still talk to them as much as I can. Well I guess that is all I have for now. My mind is more relaxed and settled now that I got all this out. Later!
There has been one noticable change in my life and that is my debt issue. I have THREE bills left to pay off. I am slowly working on two of them and they will be paid off by this time next year at the latest. The other one I am just going to pay off as soon as possible. But then there is the fact that I am going to need a car ASAP so I may have to go and get a car loan which I am not looking forward too. I have been working my ass off to pay off my debt and I may not have a choice in the matter. How rude!
As for the summer well the summer goals don't allow for relaxation. I won't quit the library but I will have to find 1 or 2 other jobs to go along with it. If I could do that I would be able to pay off the one bill and possibly get a cheap car for the time being. I just know that the truck isn't going to last much longer so I have to get something soon. I have to be able to get a cheap place apartment somewhere in the next few months too. So I have got to try and work up to 3 jobs this summer so that I can get out of this rut I'm in.
While life is complicated there are bright points and I look forward to them every day. I can't imagine my life without my friends, they have always been a comfort to me. I wish they all lived closer but that is something I can live with to be honest. I still talk to them as much as I can. Well I guess that is all I have for now. My mind is more relaxed and settled now that I got all this out. Later!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Falling Apart is Easy...Fixing Things is Hard...
For almost a year I have been slowly transforming into the person I am meant to be. There have been struggles and there have been good times. Hopes have been dashed and brought to life. People have come and gone and new places have been explored. But the load I carry has been pushing me to the limit. I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't sleep. I lay awake at night and wish things were different. I think about the things I regret and the things I want to come to life.
But through the pain and the suffering of the last year a lot of really GREAT things have happened. I got tired of the person I was because that person is what everybody else wanted me to be. I stopped listening to everybody else and started doing what I wanted. I am finally starting to be the person I want to be. There are still obstacles in my path but they are becoming few and far between. I am starting to be at peace with myself at long last. It has only taken almost 27 years to find that peace but it is starting to happen.
I still have a lot of issues I need to work out but it will happen in the long run. The debt is almost all paid off after this week, I will be left with only two bills and they will paid off this time next year, if not sooner. No more loans or credit cards for me ever again after all this is paid off. All cash from now on. But gas prices are killing me they jumped between $3.79 and $3.85 in a matter of two hours. I filled up Monday for $3.75 and it cost me $62. I need a car and my savings is adding up so it won't be long before I can get a car.
Well I'm unable to word the rest of my thoughts so I'm heading out for now. Maybe tomorrow the rest will be easy to get out correctly. Later!
But through the pain and the suffering of the last year a lot of really GREAT things have happened. I got tired of the person I was because that person is what everybody else wanted me to be. I stopped listening to everybody else and started doing what I wanted. I am finally starting to be the person I want to be. There are still obstacles in my path but they are becoming few and far between. I am starting to be at peace with myself at long last. It has only taken almost 27 years to find that peace but it is starting to happen.
I still have a lot of issues I need to work out but it will happen in the long run. The debt is almost all paid off after this week, I will be left with only two bills and they will paid off this time next year, if not sooner. No more loans or credit cards for me ever again after all this is paid off. All cash from now on. But gas prices are killing me they jumped between $3.79 and $3.85 in a matter of two hours. I filled up Monday for $3.75 and it cost me $62. I need a car and my savings is adding up so it won't be long before I can get a car.
Well I'm unable to word the rest of my thoughts so I'm heading out for now. Maybe tomorrow the rest will be easy to get out correctly. Later!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day my foot...
So last week was an off week. I felt alone and ignored because none of my friends were responding to the multiple calls and texts and comments left for them. So I stayed away from Facebook as much as possible and when I was on my status's may have been a bit harsh. But the real thing is I knew that V-Day was just around the corner.
Let's set the record straight I HATE or better yet LOATHE Valentine's Day. I always have. Could it be that I have NEVER had a good Valentine's Day? I've either been alone pining for my Valentine, dumped by my fiance, or been married but not in love. All these things lead to the hatred of the day of love.
While yes the day has it's great points, such as...
- Chocolate
- Adding to my stuffed bear/animal collection
- and you guessed it more chocolate
It also has it's downers, such as...
- Being alone
- Flowers (which I'm allergic too btw)
- and yep Chocolate
This is one of those days where lonely women gorge themselves with Chocolate so that they feel loved. The only thing I want for Valentine's Day is a simple "Hi, how are you? I miss you!" from a great guy. I look forward to it every year and I haven't gotten it yet. Hence the reason for no good Valentine's Day. This year I was especially looking forward to it due to some really hard issues I am going through. But then I realized I don't even need that. While yes it would have been great, I realized that I don't need a guy to make me happy. I just need to find the happiness inside me and let it show.
So this morning I donned my red tank top, jeans and a nice white dress shirt with belt. I went to work and had a great day. I came home and took a nap. Then I watched Life As We Know It twice. I listened to and posted some GREAT music (love songs coincidentally) to facebook. I didn't let the day get to me.
Now I am ready to start a new day again tomorrow.
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