WTF

What in the heck is going on with me lately?  I just don't know.  I can't seem to go after what I want myself but I can write an almost pornographic scene about it for a story.  Maybe I am wondering is it what I really want?  I don't know if it is or not.  I care about somebody and I hate to see them hurting the way that they currently are but do they care about me the same way I care about them or do they just want sex.  I think it is a very fine line for them and I don't know how I feel about that.  This doesn't even really make sense to me but I needed to rant so there it is.