So it's that time of year when nobody comes to the library because well there is just a lot going on. I both love it and hate it. I am completely bored right now and I can't continue reading my book because my phone is about to die and I still have a party after my 45 minutes of work. I really want to know how my book ends though so I will probably end up finishing it tonight. I will say it is nice to have time to read again...that won't be the case much longer as I go back to indexing and start school next month some time. I still don't know what will be happening with the indexing job offered to me. I hate not know what is going on and having things hanging in the balance of disarray.
I have taken to wearing my wedding ring to work again because I am sick of the old guys hitting on me. Maybe the ring will deter that a bit more. I doubt it but it is worth a shot at least. Plus I do love my ring, it is a smaller version of the one that was stolen YEARS ago (almost 5 years to be exact) and it is a butterfly. I'm a nut for anything butterfly related.
I am totally excited to start school on the 14th. I have my Math books ordered and should get them tomorrow, I hope. I want to get the chance to look over them before the class starts so that I have a general idea as to what is going on in the class. This class is going to be rough what with not having anybody to explain stuff to me in person but I will make it through. The other class doesn't have books. When Math ends I have two more classes but the books for that can wait until I can get a book voucher and pay tuition.
Whatever money is left I think I am going to go out and buy the new iPad. If I were smart I would put it in savings so I could start throwing extra money at bills to get them paid off. I have just wanted an iPad for so long...that and a Kindle. It would be nice not to have to read my books via my phone and have the battery die. But if I get the iPad I can get the Kindle app for it and have both...lol. Even though that money should go to the savings (Paypal account). We'll see what happens though.
I have so much more I want to rant about but don't have nearly enough time. I will write more later.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Christmas Day!!
So Christmas is not an ordinary day for me. I am always the first one up. I woke up at 3:30 this morning and just laid there for almost 2 hours waiting for the first person to wake up. I am like a little kid on Christmas Day.
So far this morning I have folded a load of laundry, switched mine to the dryer, did my hair and brushed my teeth. Dad brought all his presents up. Mom just got in the shower and the sister isn't up yet. So why have I been up for hours already. Well I would love to know that myself. I only had three hours of sleep and I am wide awake gosh darn it.
What makes things more interesting is that I only had three hours yesterday. I went to sleep at 7 am and woke up at almost 11 am. I did lay there for an hour that is another thing altogether. We'll see how long I last with a good attitude today!
Anyways, hope you all have a GREAT day and that all your Christmas Wishes come true!
So far this morning I have folded a load of laundry, switched mine to the dryer, did my hair and brushed my teeth. Dad brought all his presents up. Mom just got in the shower and the sister isn't up yet. So why have I been up for hours already. Well I would love to know that myself. I only had three hours of sleep and I am wide awake gosh darn it.
What makes things more interesting is that I only had three hours yesterday. I went to sleep at 7 am and woke up at almost 11 am. I did lay there for an hour that is another thing altogether. We'll see how long I last with a good attitude today!
Anyways, hope you all have a GREAT day and that all your Christmas Wishes come true!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Christmas Wishes...
I make the same Christmas wishes every year, well at least for the last 8 years or so, and there have been a couple years where I got the one but it hasn't lasted yet. The other one just keeps evading me. Sometimes I think I should just give up but I also know that I won't. I want both to come true, and last, so badly that it hurts. I won't tell you what the wishes are because well then they may never come true and I really want them too...oh so badly.
I work my butt off to make my goals and dreams possible. So is all the work really worth it. I don't know that it is because I don't feel like I have gotten anywhere with it. But then I look at my debt and I see that yes some of my goals are getting done. I am down to just one of my original debts and it is almost paid off. So as long as I stay on task I will be able to pay off student loans as soon as they need paid and my car will be paid off quickly. Once my car is paid off is when I will most likely be able to make one of my Christmas wishes come true for good, but we will see.
I don't ask for help often, but when I do you know there is something really wrong, or I just can't quite manage it myself. I may feel like I am getting nowhere but I know that isn't true so I guess I just suck it up and wish my Christmas wishes until they come true...they are also my birthday wishes. Honestly, they aren't really things other people can give me but things I have to get for myself.
That is my rant for now. Goodnight world!
I work my butt off to make my goals and dreams possible. So is all the work really worth it. I don't know that it is because I don't feel like I have gotten anywhere with it. But then I look at my debt and I see that yes some of my goals are getting done. I am down to just one of my original debts and it is almost paid off. So as long as I stay on task I will be able to pay off student loans as soon as they need paid and my car will be paid off quickly. Once my car is paid off is when I will most likely be able to make one of my Christmas wishes come true for good, but we will see.
I don't ask for help often, but when I do you know there is something really wrong, or I just can't quite manage it myself. I may feel like I am getting nowhere but I know that isn't true so I guess I just suck it up and wish my Christmas wishes until they come true...they are also my birthday wishes. Honestly, they aren't really things other people can give me but things I have to get for myself.
That is my rant for now. Goodnight world!
Monday, December 17, 2012
Too many options...
I love my job and don't want to quit but there are about to be some major changes (well possibly) going on and I don't know if it will be an option to put as many hours into it as I have been. I start school again on the 14th of January. I may also be offered a full time position from home. If I take the full time postition then I will definitely have to cut back my hours at the library. I have been struggling with this decision for a couple days now. Today however I have the strong feeling that I HAVE to take the full time position if it is offered to me. It pays $4 more and has benefits and I can work from home and do school work from home all at the same time. I could put more time into the Usborne Books if I wanted too as well and book some parties.
However, taking the position would mean I would have to cut out a lot of my library hours. I'm thinking Wednesday and Thursday nights and all day Saturdays could be an option. I know I am the only full time person there besides the head librarian so it will cause some major disarray in the beginning but I will figure it out.
Anyways, I have to go finish getting ready for a family gathering. I was going to straighten my hair but don't see a point with the non-stop raining going on outside. I'll let you know how this goes one way or the other. Later
However, taking the position would mean I would have to cut out a lot of my library hours. I'm thinking Wednesday and Thursday nights and all day Saturdays could be an option. I know I am the only full time person there besides the head librarian so it will cause some major disarray in the beginning but I will figure it out.
Anyways, I have to go finish getting ready for a family gathering. I was going to straighten my hair but don't see a point with the non-stop raining going on outside. I'll let you know how this goes one way or the other. Later
Sunday, December 9, 2012
It's the most wonderful time of the year...or is it?
So it is the Christmas season again and I can't believe there are only 3 weeks left in the year. I both love and hate this time of year. I love the holiday movies and songs. I love the baking and the crafts I get to make. I love that some people are less grouchy.
I have to say that I am one of those people who gets more grouchy and depressed. I hate that the holidays have been so commercialized. It's not about presents or giving or spending every dime in your pocket. It is about family and friends and getting together to have fun. Christmas is not the only holiday I feel has become too commercialized but it is the current one.
I will admit that yes I like the holiday but I think I dislike it more. I hate my allergies that have gotten so bad that I can't decorate the tree, which used to be my favorite besides baking. I hate the commercialism. I hate that I get all this stuff that I can't use so I have to find the time to return it.
I would be completely happy if I could do my baking and chocolate making, watch the movies, listen to the music, and craft. I also wish instead of gifts that I don't want people would just give me visa gift cards or cash that I could use anywhere. I think if people spent less time and money finding things that their kids or well anybody else don't need and/or won't use and just spent more time together I might like the holidays more. I have gotten to the point where I don't spend money on people anymore. Almost everything I am giving this year I have made and they are useful things that I know will be used.
Well that is my rant and I hope you enjoyed it...lol. Really all I want for Christmas this year is my best friend to start talking to me again, or at least explain what I did so I can try and fix it. Also it isn't a necessity but I wouldn't mind having a guy in my life but I don't see that happening.
I have to say that I am one of those people who gets more grouchy and depressed. I hate that the holidays have been so commercialized. It's not about presents or giving or spending every dime in your pocket. It is about family and friends and getting together to have fun. Christmas is not the only holiday I feel has become too commercialized but it is the current one.
I will admit that yes I like the holiday but I think I dislike it more. I hate my allergies that have gotten so bad that I can't decorate the tree, which used to be my favorite besides baking. I hate the commercialism. I hate that I get all this stuff that I can't use so I have to find the time to return it.
I would be completely happy if I could do my baking and chocolate making, watch the movies, listen to the music, and craft. I also wish instead of gifts that I don't want people would just give me visa gift cards or cash that I could use anywhere. I think if people spent less time and money finding things that their kids or well anybody else don't need and/or won't use and just spent more time together I might like the holidays more. I have gotten to the point where I don't spend money on people anymore. Almost everything I am giving this year I have made and they are useful things that I know will be used.
Well that is my rant and I hope you enjoyed it...lol. Really all I want for Christmas this year is my best friend to start talking to me again, or at least explain what I did so I can try and fix it. Also it isn't a necessity but I wouldn't mind having a guy in my life but I don't see that happening.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Time for a change!!!
Okay so after an aweful week at work and home I have come up with my solution. I am just tired and need a new locale. So I already have a commitment in mid-March but after that I am planning on leaving Pennsylvania. I am thinking Maryland/DC/Virginia area. I started looking into apartments/houses/rooms for rent today and looked into jobs as well. But as it is a ways off it was only a preliminary search.
I chose that area because it is closer to school for any tests I need to take. Also it is another state checked off the goal of living in every state (except Alaska). It is far enough away that nobody will visit, which I love.
The next four months will be all about saving and buying things for an apartment of my own. I not only have the futon but I believe I still have the waterbed and I have a mattress out in the garage. I have shelving but need more. I have dishes, a laptop, PS3 and the luggage. But not all the money will go toward that of course since over the next couple months I will be buying a whole new wardrobe because apparently there is a new dress code at work.
The only issue I have will be getting all my stuff to my new place. Looks like dad or somebody will be following me in the truck with some stuff. I am super excited about this move. It will be the first move I do on my own. No living with friends and no influence from other people. Just me out on my own living my life the way I want to live it and completely happy. I will lose all my weight again, I will be at the beach as much as I can be and I will be me.
I can't have who I want to have so I will find somebody else my way I guess. I can't believe I am saying this but while I loved the library when my ideas had a say and I could feel comfortable while I am there, that is no longer the case. All the changes are done and there is really no reason for me to stay around much longer. I want and am used to jeans and tops at work and am not comfortable in anything else yet on January first we are starting a dress code. So I have to go out and buy all new clothes for only a couple months because I don't have a single dress, skirt or pair of dress pants. The tops isn't an issue but I have to go out and buy at least 5 pair of dressy pants and be uncomfortable at work.
Buying new clothes and supplies for an apartment on two crappy paychecks and two decent paychecks is going to be rough but I can do it. I also plan to save up for the apartment. I am so ready for this. I need to be independent for a while and on my own. I need to prove that I can do this, not only to myself but to everybody else. Mainly everybody else though because I already know I can do it.
Okay that is all for now. I will update you as things happen.
I chose that area because it is closer to school for any tests I need to take. Also it is another state checked off the goal of living in every state (except Alaska). It is far enough away that nobody will visit, which I love.
The next four months will be all about saving and buying things for an apartment of my own. I not only have the futon but I believe I still have the waterbed and I have a mattress out in the garage. I have shelving but need more. I have dishes, a laptop, PS3 and the luggage. But not all the money will go toward that of course since over the next couple months I will be buying a whole new wardrobe because apparently there is a new dress code at work.
The only issue I have will be getting all my stuff to my new place. Looks like dad or somebody will be following me in the truck with some stuff. I am super excited about this move. It will be the first move I do on my own. No living with friends and no influence from other people. Just me out on my own living my life the way I want to live it and completely happy. I will lose all my weight again, I will be at the beach as much as I can be and I will be me.
I can't have who I want to have so I will find somebody else my way I guess. I can't believe I am saying this but while I loved the library when my ideas had a say and I could feel comfortable while I am there, that is no longer the case. All the changes are done and there is really no reason for me to stay around much longer. I want and am used to jeans and tops at work and am not comfortable in anything else yet on January first we are starting a dress code. So I have to go out and buy all new clothes for only a couple months because I don't have a single dress, skirt or pair of dress pants. The tops isn't an issue but I have to go out and buy at least 5 pair of dressy pants and be uncomfortable at work.
Buying new clothes and supplies for an apartment on two crappy paychecks and two decent paychecks is going to be rough but I can do it. I also plan to save up for the apartment. I am so ready for this. I need to be independent for a while and on my own. I need to prove that I can do this, not only to myself but to everybody else. Mainly everybody else though because I already know I can do it.
Okay that is all for now. I will update you as things happen.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Unraveling!!
I don't know what is going on anymore. I am lost and confused. I have no time to myself. I have no friends left. I work non-stop. I miss my best friends. One hasn't talked to me in almost 2 years and one has failed to tell me one of the biggest things in his life. Do I push people away? Do they feel like they can't tell me things now?
I put up a big show but nothing I am showing is real. The smile is fake, the things I say are fake, my life is fake. I need something, somebody or somewhere new. I need a life of my own.
My life is unraveling and I can't stop it. There is so much I want to do in my life but I am stuck and unhappy and can't wait to be set free. I don't know what else to say but I need the pieces to fit together again.
I put up a big show but nothing I am showing is real. The smile is fake, the things I say are fake, my life is fake. I need something, somebody or somewhere new. I need a life of my own.
My life is unraveling and I can't stop it. There is so much I want to do in my life but I am stuck and unhappy and can't wait to be set free. I don't know what else to say but I need the pieces to fit together again.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Doing it right this time...
So I have officially joined Dave Ramsey. I don't have nearly as much debt as I used to but yes I still have a lot, especially with a new car loan and going back to school. Anyways, I just made up a budget for the next year (tenative of course) and if everything stays as it is money wise I will be down to just a car loan by December. Not to mention I will have $1000 in a Money Market account growing quickly.
This month most of my paycheck will go to start my savings/money market account. Minimum payments will also be made on the bills and yes I will have a little bit of extra spending money. Next month I will finish off baby step 1 by completing the savings/money market account. I will also pay off, in full and no settlement, the JCPenney card. Still have to get the actual money for that from somebody. Also there will be a small snowball on the Dell card as well. October and November all of my money will go towards the Dell card and a small snowball will go to the Car Loan in November. After November all of my money will be thrown at the Car Loan. Like I said all of this depends on me getting the same pay every month. Which means I have to continue indexing or pick up a new second job. I also need to start selling more books again.
So much in my life depends on money and I hate it. But I want to thank Debbie for introducing me to the Dave Ramsey method all those years ago. I just wish I had really thought out this car loan. I was SOOO close to being completely out of debt and able to afford a place of my own. Now I can't...so not fun. What was I thinking? Yes I love my car, no I don't like the money owed on it.
Oh well, in other news I am still waiting to hear on the financial aid for school but should hopefully hear soon. I don't want to have to take both grant and loans but I really want to start back up so I will do what I have to do. I still have a scholarship book to go through as well. I need to find a way to make money on the side...maybe I could make the last three blankets and sell them online for like $50 each. I like to stay busy and it is killing me lately to come home and not have anything to do. So glad to have indexing right now.
I think that is all I have for tonight just needed to do my happy rant...lol. Goodnight!
This month most of my paycheck will go to start my savings/money market account. Minimum payments will also be made on the bills and yes I will have a little bit of extra spending money. Next month I will finish off baby step 1 by completing the savings/money market account. I will also pay off, in full and no settlement, the JCPenney card. Still have to get the actual money for that from somebody. Also there will be a small snowball on the Dell card as well. October and November all of my money will go towards the Dell card and a small snowball will go to the Car Loan in November. After November all of my money will be thrown at the Car Loan. Like I said all of this depends on me getting the same pay every month. Which means I have to continue indexing or pick up a new second job. I also need to start selling more books again.
So much in my life depends on money and I hate it. But I want to thank Debbie for introducing me to the Dave Ramsey method all those years ago. I just wish I had really thought out this car loan. I was SOOO close to being completely out of debt and able to afford a place of my own. Now I can't...so not fun. What was I thinking? Yes I love my car, no I don't like the money owed on it.
Oh well, in other news I am still waiting to hear on the financial aid for school but should hopefully hear soon. I don't want to have to take both grant and loans but I really want to start back up so I will do what I have to do. I still have a scholarship book to go through as well. I need to find a way to make money on the side...maybe I could make the last three blankets and sell them online for like $50 each. I like to stay busy and it is killing me lately to come home and not have anything to do. So glad to have indexing right now.
I think that is all I have for tonight just needed to do my happy rant...lol. Goodnight!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Times they are a-changing...
Okay so I have decided that since the main area that I need to lose the extra inches is in the waist I will be doing crunches and sit-ups every day...morning and night. So far I did last night (that's when I started) and this afternoon. I plan on doing some before I go to bed as well. I have no junk food besides my candy sticks and jawbreakers left. So I am doing good there.
I am excited I actually have a day to myself tomorrow. No work and nothing to do until it is time to go to the meets. Well that is a lie I have to call Huntington to fix a little situation, but other than that there isn't anything. So I am spending the day out in the sun. May even go swimming with a favorite little girl of mine, don't know yet.
I have one more week with my best friend here in town and am hoping to spend a little more time with him before he leaves. I am not keeping my hopes up but we will see what happens there. This week needs to pass with no rain and I will be happy. Things are a-changing...I can feel it. I need a little change in my life. Later!
I am excited I actually have a day to myself tomorrow. No work and nothing to do until it is time to go to the meets. Well that is a lie I have to call Huntington to fix a little situation, but other than that there isn't anything. So I am spending the day out in the sun. May even go swimming with a favorite little girl of mine, don't know yet.
I have one more week with my best friend here in town and am hoping to spend a little more time with him before he leaves. I am not keeping my hopes up but we will see what happens there. This week needs to pass with no rain and I will be happy. Things are a-changing...I can feel it. I need a little change in my life. Later!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Inspiration in odd places...
So I haven't been feeling all that great about my body lately. A little over two years ago I weighed in at 125 pounds and was wearing size 4 or 6 pants. I did so good at keeping my weight down in Utah and I felt so much healthier and happier. I don't feel that way anymore and I have been struggling to feel that way again. The other day I was told I look great by somebody I trust beyond all others. I still don't know that I completely believe said person since I don't always feel great. But that isn't where the inspiration comes from. I have a friend and even though she isn't talking to me at the moment I still read her blog religiously, so that I am semi up to speed when things turn around. She is where the inspiration comes from.
Said friend just had twins within the last year. She has challenged herself to lose the pregnancy weight so that she can feel healthier herself. This is where the inspiration came from. This amazing woman now has FOUR kids to keep her busy both day and night. I don't know how she does it but she is an amazing inspiration to me.
I know I have mentioned this subject before but I really am ready to give it my all again. I look at my smaller pants every day and continuously wish I could fit in them again. I don't know how I am going to do it. I don't have a workout video or anything to work with. I don't have a diet in plan I just know that I want to and will feel better about myself. I don't care about the weight because technically I'm not all that much overweight I just could be smaller in certain areas.
I am going to try my hardest to cut back on the sugar. I have been doing pretty good so far but there is still a long way to go. I will be trying my hardest to walk every day from here on out. I know I may look good now but even more than that I know I could look GREAT! It will take some work but I am ready to get at it again. Everything else is falling into place so this will be no exception, it will fall into place just like everything else.
In other news I got a new car and am loving it. I am hanging out with my friend Ben as much as I can while he is home and it has been much needed. All three cousins and my friend have all had their kids finally. Two new baby boys and three new baby girls. It is an exciting time right now. The girls are all here in Pennsylvania and the boys live in Utah and Alaska. The new library director starts on Tuesday and I can't wait. I think that is all I have for today. I will keep you updated as to how everything is going.
Said friend just had twins within the last year. She has challenged herself to lose the pregnancy weight so that she can feel healthier herself. This is where the inspiration came from. This amazing woman now has FOUR kids to keep her busy both day and night. I don't know how she does it but she is an amazing inspiration to me.
I know I have mentioned this subject before but I really am ready to give it my all again. I look at my smaller pants every day and continuously wish I could fit in them again. I don't know how I am going to do it. I don't have a workout video or anything to work with. I don't have a diet in plan I just know that I want to and will feel better about myself. I don't care about the weight because technically I'm not all that much overweight I just could be smaller in certain areas.
I am going to try my hardest to cut back on the sugar. I have been doing pretty good so far but there is still a long way to go. I will be trying my hardest to walk every day from here on out. I know I may look good now but even more than that I know I could look GREAT! It will take some work but I am ready to get at it again. Everything else is falling into place so this will be no exception, it will fall into place just like everything else.
In other news I got a new car and am loving it. I am hanging out with my friend Ben as much as I can while he is home and it has been much needed. All three cousins and my friend have all had their kids finally. Two new baby boys and three new baby girls. It is an exciting time right now. The girls are all here in Pennsylvania and the boys live in Utah and Alaska. The new library director starts on Tuesday and I can't wait. I think that is all I have for today. I will keep you updated as to how everything is going.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
This match = me vs new car
So things are starting to look up. I paid off the First Financial leaving me with just a $50-ish Dell payment and a phone bill. So that's right for the next few years I will be paying off a brand new car. I am super excited about this and am hoping that it brings my credit score back up to a decent place. However, I did learn that my credit score isn't nearly as bad as I thought it was, which is great! Getting everything paid off and keeping up with payments for the last few years has helped out big time. I am going to start my Emergency Fund/Savings next pay day so that if anything should happen I have money to cover it (EF) and if I want to take a overseas trip in the next couple years I can (savings). They are going to be the same account as I already have three accounts and can't handle anymore. Anyways, I was lucky enough to get decent monthly payments with dad as a cosigner and my gas prices will be cut at least in half so it is manageable while still throwing extra at Dell and putting some every month in the EF/Savings account.
My next big goal will be getting my own place. So the savings will help with that as well. No more spending on things I don't need or things I want but can't really afford. That's right I am cleaning up my life one small step at a time.
I am struggling with a few other things going on but I am not ready to talk about them so I will let it go at that. Just know that it has been a week and I am still struggling with something that happened last Friday. Okay so I guess it hasn't been a full week but close enough. The issue is I wanted it to happen and I want it to happen again but it can't. I can't explain it all but I have a ton on my mind when it comes to that little situation and I am ready to see what happens. I just wish I had all the answers right now and I could stop fighting to clear the path ahead of me and take the easy path where every thing I want is right there waiting for me. I can't so I am continuing to dig the debris away. A little bit of digging deeper never hurt anybody.
Anyways, I am beat beyond belief so I am going to bed. I just wanted to let everybody know that life is great right now and I hope everybody feels that way. I have partially made it through the dark beyond the dawn and I'm almost WIDE AWAKE!!!!
My next big goal will be getting my own place. So the savings will help with that as well. No more spending on things I don't need or things I want but can't really afford. That's right I am cleaning up my life one small step at a time.
I am struggling with a few other things going on but I am not ready to talk about them so I will let it go at that. Just know that it has been a week and I am still struggling with something that happened last Friday. Okay so I guess it hasn't been a full week but close enough. The issue is I wanted it to happen and I want it to happen again but it can't. I can't explain it all but I have a ton on my mind when it comes to that little situation and I am ready to see what happens. I just wish I had all the answers right now and I could stop fighting to clear the path ahead of me and take the easy path where every thing I want is right there waiting for me. I can't so I am continuing to dig the debris away. A little bit of digging deeper never hurt anybody.
Anyways, I am beat beyond belief so I am going to bed. I just wanted to let everybody know that life is great right now and I hope everybody feels that way. I have partially made it through the dark beyond the dawn and I'm almost WIDE AWAKE!!!!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
It's all Good on the current path
I don't even know what to say. Today I learned that my best friends father died. I am sad that he is coming home for a funeral but I am also happy that I may get to see him even under the circumstances. I don't know what I feel about anything. I can honestly say that I barely knew his day but I actually cried a bit when I read the news. I didn't even cry about my relatives that died that I knew well. I am torn beyond belief about so many things today.
But on a happy note...I will have $1000 saved for a car this month and will be looking into trying to find a cheap car to get me by till I can pay off the last couple bills, bulk up a savings account and work on school. I want to be able to save enough to one day buy a brand new car with cash, have an apartment and be working on my degree. After this month I will be throwing all my extra money at Dell and Penney's (I am still waiting to get the $700 for that from somebody who will remain nameless). But next month I will pay off Penney's without a doubt and whatever is left we will go from there. After that the entire paycheck will go towards Dell and savings so they are both decent size by December.
I filled out my FAFSA the other day and plan to go back to school come fall. I am hoping to be able to get a decent sized grant as well as some scholarships. The school also has some sort of payment plan that I am hoping to be able to get into. I don't want to take a loan unless I absolutely HAVE to because I am finally almost out of debt and I don't want to go back into debt too much. I will not HAVE to worry about doing any library science classes but I still think I will try to throw in the 9 hours anyways, just in case I wind up needing it down the road.
I did not get the Head Librarian position and all I can say is thank goodness. This last couple months I have been SOOO stressed it isn't even funny. I will most likely be training the new Librarian which is so completely and utterly hilarious it isn't even funny. I am trying to get a few programs going at the library though. The Teen Book Club didn't take so far but I have a Craft Hour planned and the first one is Wednesday afternoon so we will see how it goes.
Okay I think that is all I have for you right now. I will keep you updated.
But on a happy note...I will have $1000 saved for a car this month and will be looking into trying to find a cheap car to get me by till I can pay off the last couple bills, bulk up a savings account and work on school. I want to be able to save enough to one day buy a brand new car with cash, have an apartment and be working on my degree. After this month I will be throwing all my extra money at Dell and Penney's (I am still waiting to get the $700 for that from somebody who will remain nameless). But next month I will pay off Penney's without a doubt and whatever is left we will go from there. After that the entire paycheck will go towards Dell and savings so they are both decent size by December.
I filled out my FAFSA the other day and plan to go back to school come fall. I am hoping to be able to get a decent sized grant as well as some scholarships. The school also has some sort of payment plan that I am hoping to be able to get into. I don't want to take a loan unless I absolutely HAVE to because I am finally almost out of debt and I don't want to go back into debt too much. I will not HAVE to worry about doing any library science classes but I still think I will try to throw in the 9 hours anyways, just in case I wind up needing it down the road.
I did not get the Head Librarian position and all I can say is thank goodness. This last couple months I have been SOOO stressed it isn't even funny. I will most likely be training the new Librarian which is so completely and utterly hilarious it isn't even funny. I am trying to get a few programs going at the library though. The Teen Book Club didn't take so far but I have a Craft Hour planned and the first one is Wednesday afternoon so we will see how it goes.
Okay I think that is all I have for you right now. I will keep you updated.
Monday, June 18, 2012
The boiling point!!!
I am done...I am so fed-up with all this shit. I am saving every possible penny I have available for a car. I am starting to pray that I get this new position and am killing myself with indexing. Any money from indexing, any reimbursement money and half of my paycheck will go into savings (given to dad to hold onto). Mid-July I plan to get a car with what is saved. Beginning of August I will be out of this place. I looked into apartments today and found one in Monaca that I really like. I am really hoping I get this head librarian position so I can manage paying off the last of my bills, have an apartment and be able to get groceries.
The first few months in a new place will be spent getting furniture and other needed things for an apartment as well as paying off bills. I am just glad that I got the bulk of my debt gone. Only two bills left!!!! One I am throwing as much as I can at each month. The other one I still owe $450 or something on and am hoping to be able to throw all of a paycheck at it next month. We will see how that goes. Everything is starting to fall into place for me. I keep saying that and everything falls apart but this time I can feel it.
I have been sick a lot the last month and I think it is all the stress I have been under. I have been working 20 or more hour days for the last month. Even my days off I spend working. I am actually on a short break from work now. I need a life that doesn't involve work all day long. I spend every second of my day working one of three jobs. There are days where I work until 1 or 2 in the morning just to wake up and do it all again. Nobody understands how hard I work and then they bitch and moan about it.
So much I can't even put it all into words. I will know tonight what happens with the job I hope. If not tonight then this week sometime. I have been unable to get into books lately as well but I did get started on a couple books this weekend. I will go now and get back to work. Later!!!
The first few months in a new place will be spent getting furniture and other needed things for an apartment as well as paying off bills. I am just glad that I got the bulk of my debt gone. Only two bills left!!!! One I am throwing as much as I can at each month. The other one I still owe $450 or something on and am hoping to be able to throw all of a paycheck at it next month. We will see how that goes. Everything is starting to fall into place for me. I keep saying that and everything falls apart but this time I can feel it.
I have been sick a lot the last month and I think it is all the stress I have been under. I have been working 20 or more hour days for the last month. Even my days off I spend working. I am actually on a short break from work now. I need a life that doesn't involve work all day long. I spend every second of my day working one of three jobs. There are days where I work until 1 or 2 in the morning just to wake up and do it all again. Nobody understands how hard I work and then they bitch and moan about it.
So much I can't even put it all into words. I will know tonight what happens with the job I hope. If not tonight then this week sometime. I have been unable to get into books lately as well but I did get started on a couple books this weekend. I will go now and get back to work. Later!!!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Destined to be alone...
I have so many thoughts and feelings going on in my head. I want to put them all down and get it all out but I can't find the exact words. All I can say is I feel alone but I am surrounded by people all the time. Well almost all the time. I have gone on dates recently...one guy stood me up, however my aunt says he was sick. Don't know how much I believe that. But I didn't really want to go out with him in the first place. Another guy I talked with for a few weeks and finally went out almost three weeks ago and I haven't heard from him since, no matter how much I try to start a conversation with him. What is it with guys? I really thought the one date went really good and we both had fun unless he lied when he said that. That wouldn't surprise me.
I am struggling to know what to do at work as well. I am ready to move onto something better. Maybe I am just ready to move somewhere better. I have been ready to move elsewhere since I got back. I am reverting back to the person I was before moving to Utah. I am finally out of debt (well almost). I am down to one bill. I have gained all the weight I had lost and then some. I was hoping to be moving out of here next year and somewhere warm year round. I was however offered the head librarian position if I want it. I don't know that I can stand the people or the position or this place much longer. I just don't know what to do anymore and I wish I did.
My friends are too busy to bother talking to me or too far away. So I work myself to death and let it all fester inside. I don't know how better to explain it or what else to say so I am going to leave it at that.
I am struggling to know what to do at work as well. I am ready to move onto something better. Maybe I am just ready to move somewhere better. I have been ready to move elsewhere since I got back. I am reverting back to the person I was before moving to Utah. I am finally out of debt (well almost). I am down to one bill. I have gained all the weight I had lost and then some. I was hoping to be moving out of here next year and somewhere warm year round. I was however offered the head librarian position if I want it. I don't know that I can stand the people or the position or this place much longer. I just don't know what to do anymore and I wish I did.
My friends are too busy to bother talking to me or too far away. So I work myself to death and let it all fester inside. I don't know how better to explain it or what else to say so I am going to leave it at that.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Settliung into the new job title...
So I may have spread myself a little thin with all the things being thrown at me lately. I am enjoying working on the summer reading program but with all the other new things I will be in charge of it should be interesting getting it all done. I did my first schedule for the month of May and there are a few days where we just don't have enough people to cover it. Those few days are days that our accounting person is there so I'm not too worried about it, there will still be two people there. I still have a few people I can write in when they let me know if they will be available for the summer.
Tonight is movie night with the wild bunch I love so much. I love movie nights with the Owen's crew and I haven't seen them in FOREVER! I wasn't able to grab a movie from work so it will probably be a Netflix movie for tonight.
As for Usborne I have put it on hold until June at least. What with all the things going on at the library and not having anybody to cover if I take days off. We do have Memorial Day Weekend off so I am thinking of taking a long weekend trip somewhere. I haven't decided yet since I don't have a car and the truck takes so much gas.
I don't really know what else to say for today so I will update you soon as to how plans are going.
Tonight is movie night with the wild bunch I love so much. I love movie nights with the Owen's crew and I haven't seen them in FOREVER! I wasn't able to grab a movie from work so it will probably be a Netflix movie for tonight.
As for Usborne I have put it on hold until June at least. What with all the things going on at the library and not having anybody to cover if I take days off. We do have Memorial Day Weekend off so I am thinking of taking a long weekend trip somewhere. I haven't decided yet since I don't have a car and the truck takes so much gas.
I don't really know what else to say for today so I will update you soon as to how plans are going.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Randomness of ME!!!!
Okay so I had a bad weekend but I am over everything that happened until somebody trudges up the feelings again. I spent the entire weekend locked up in my room doing nothing. I had a lot I should have been doing while holed up but I just couldn't concentrate on any of it. I did watch the Pirate's game on Saturday and Sunday. This year I am big on baseball I have watched every game that has been on so far.
I caught the end of last night's game. So far of the games I have seen they have won two and lost one. Today's games I am keeping track of the scores. The first game is in the bottom of the fourth inning and they are tied at zero. The good news is the Pirate's are the only ones who have made any base hits so far. It is kind of depressing to say the least. They play a double header today and I am sad I can't really watch or listen to either game but I am keeping track of the score online.
It is a VERY dead day here at the library. I should be working on the back room because some kids have torn through there and made it a disaster zone but I need to save that for a day where I have decent help at the front desk. That may be a while though. Maybe tomorrow I will get to that, or Saturday I can work on that. There isn't much else that really needs done as I have done all the front room work over the last couple mornings while it is dead and I'm alone to concentrate on it. Tomorrow I have a summer reading meeting in the morning and then work the rest of the day. It is going to be a long day.
Friday I have a booth in Aliquippa and am really hoping it does well so that I have some spare money to last until payday (May 15th). I am hoping to make at least enough to cover my two booths in May and some gas money. I have a lot of pre-orders coming through before next payday and I have already filled that account to cover it. Let's just hope it doesn't go overdrawn again. I honestly don't know how I manage it sometimes. Only one more payment and I will have an extra $250 in my account (to pay off or catch up on other bills of course) which should help either catch up or pay things off.
Anyways, I have set a goal to write in my journal or blog every day for the next 6 weeks so you will be hearing from me more often for a while. When the 6 weeks is up I am going to try to keep it up, but we will see how that works out. Oh, that's right my team won the weight loss challenge and I signed up for round two and hope to win that round as well, but my team isn't quite as good this time so I'm not keeping my hopes up.
Okay I have to do some work I guess. Update you again soon.
I caught the end of last night's game. So far of the games I have seen they have won two and lost one. Today's games I am keeping track of the scores. The first game is in the bottom of the fourth inning and they are tied at zero. The good news is the Pirate's are the only ones who have made any base hits so far. It is kind of depressing to say the least. They play a double header today and I am sad I can't really watch or listen to either game but I am keeping track of the score online.
It is a VERY dead day here at the library. I should be working on the back room because some kids have torn through there and made it a disaster zone but I need to save that for a day where I have decent help at the front desk. That may be a while though. Maybe tomorrow I will get to that, or Saturday I can work on that. There isn't much else that really needs done as I have done all the front room work over the last couple mornings while it is dead and I'm alone to concentrate on it. Tomorrow I have a summer reading meeting in the morning and then work the rest of the day. It is going to be a long day.
Friday I have a booth in Aliquippa and am really hoping it does well so that I have some spare money to last until payday (May 15th). I am hoping to make at least enough to cover my two booths in May and some gas money. I have a lot of pre-orders coming through before next payday and I have already filled that account to cover it. Let's just hope it doesn't go overdrawn again. I honestly don't know how I manage it sometimes. Only one more payment and I will have an extra $250 in my account (to pay off or catch up on other bills of course) which should help either catch up or pay things off.
Anyways, I have set a goal to write in my journal or blog every day for the next 6 weeks so you will be hearing from me more often for a while. When the 6 weeks is up I am going to try to keep it up, but we will see how that works out. Oh, that's right my team won the weight loss challenge and I signed up for round two and hope to win that round as well, but my team isn't quite as good this time so I'm not keeping my hopes up.
Okay I have to do some work I guess. Update you again soon.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Broken Hearted Again!!!
What do you do when all your dreams fall apart? I'll tell you, I suffer in silence for a while and then I move on. I also make an idiot of myself which makes the suffering worse. I have got to find a way to move on and get past my dream. I can't let this ruin my life anymore. Yes, I am afraid to move and honestly why would anybody want to be with somebody as screwed up as me. It's like there is a switch in my head that says continue suffering but do it with somebody else. It is an odd dilemma.
I have considered texting somebody and saying I am over somebody else and ready to see him again but it would be a lie. Call me crazy but while I really like the first person I can't be with somebody that reminds me of said second person. You are all probably very confused about what I am talking about but I can't describe it any better. I am a complete and utter mess right now and am not ready to move on just yet.
But in other news, I may be getting both a promotion and raise at the library. Waiting to see if everything is okay and goes through as planned. With the library board you can never be sure what will happen. I am super excited and sad about the coming changes. I am also super excited about planning the summer reading programs this year.
First Financial is finally paid off next month. Then a month or two after that I will be able to pay off J C Penney's. That will only leave Dell unpaid and I can throw all my money at it. With a raise I may be able to get a car while I pay off the Dell account. Meaning shortly after that I can get the HELL out of this house and hopefully NEVER come back again. For the time being I am going to stick around the area to stick with this job. So far it is the second longest job I've had and the first was Graebel Movers. Right now they are about tied at a year and a half. September is year two at both Usborne and the library. I am just glad everything is almost paid off at last it took almost 8 years to pay off the First Financial and will be almost 6 years for the Dell account.
Okay I think that is all I can say or have to say. I will update you again soon. Oh and no I have not been on the blind date yet and don't really want to go at all. Everybody keeps bugging me about it. I have three other people I really want to date. One of them is seeing somebody and far away, one is exactly like the first and the third I am intrigued with but have only e-mailed or texted. So I am struggling but I will figure it out. I am afraid to move on but I know I have to. There is no chance that things will change between me and guy number one...at least not anytime soon.
Later!
I have considered texting somebody and saying I am over somebody else and ready to see him again but it would be a lie. Call me crazy but while I really like the first person I can't be with somebody that reminds me of said second person. You are all probably very confused about what I am talking about but I can't describe it any better. I am a complete and utter mess right now and am not ready to move on just yet.
But in other news, I may be getting both a promotion and raise at the library. Waiting to see if everything is okay and goes through as planned. With the library board you can never be sure what will happen. I am super excited and sad about the coming changes. I am also super excited about planning the summer reading programs this year.
First Financial is finally paid off next month. Then a month or two after that I will be able to pay off J C Penney's. That will only leave Dell unpaid and I can throw all my money at it. With a raise I may be able to get a car while I pay off the Dell account. Meaning shortly after that I can get the HELL out of this house and hopefully NEVER come back again. For the time being I am going to stick around the area to stick with this job. So far it is the second longest job I've had and the first was Graebel Movers. Right now they are about tied at a year and a half. September is year two at both Usborne and the library. I am just glad everything is almost paid off at last it took almost 8 years to pay off the First Financial and will be almost 6 years for the Dell account.
Okay I think that is all I can say or have to say. I will update you again soon. Oh and no I have not been on the blind date yet and don't really want to go at all. Everybody keeps bugging me about it. I have three other people I really want to date. One of them is seeing somebody and far away, one is exactly like the first and the third I am intrigued with but have only e-mailed or texted. So I am struggling but I will figure it out. I am afraid to move on but I know I have to. There is no chance that things will change between me and guy number one...at least not anytime soon.
Later!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Put yourself down not me...
Why is it so hard to support your own daughter when she does something that she truly enjoys. I just got asked why I still do the Usborne Books. They don't think that I should continue selling them. I make more in one Saturday at a booth than I do for one Saturday at work. I just don't get why they don't understand it is something I am good at (for the most part) and it's something that I love. They don't understand that I fight for what I want and work hard to get those things. I don't think they realize that this is one of the reasons I moved all the way to Utah without calls home just to get away from them. I hate being belittled and unsupported.
I mean for somebody who doesn't leave the house (dad's words) I am always either busy at home or gone. I do know that I need to get out more but it is all about finding the right person and having a car that doesn't GUZZLE gas. I just overdrew my bank account again to get gas to last until paychecks are in (I was so close to not needing to get gas again...BOO!!!)
Apparently moving away didn't fix the problem so I have got to get out again and never have to come back again. I hate the put downs. I mean what kind of parent demeans their kids even the adult ones. And people wonder why I don't trust my own judgement at all. I go to my friends and ask if they think something is a good idea before I do it. I don't even ask my family their opinion anymore it doesn't match what I want at all. Sometimes I HATE life and today is one of those days. I am sick of it all and ready to get the HECK OUT OF HERE!!!
I mean for somebody who doesn't leave the house (dad's words) I am always either busy at home or gone. I do know that I need to get out more but it is all about finding the right person and having a car that doesn't GUZZLE gas. I just overdrew my bank account again to get gas to last until paychecks are in (I was so close to not needing to get gas again...BOO!!!)
Apparently moving away didn't fix the problem so I have got to get out again and never have to come back again. I hate the put downs. I mean what kind of parent demeans their kids even the adult ones. And people wonder why I don't trust my own judgement at all. I go to my friends and ask if they think something is a good idea before I do it. I don't even ask my family their opinion anymore it doesn't match what I want at all. Sometimes I HATE life and today is one of those days. I am sick of it all and ready to get the HECK OUT OF HERE!!!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Fell off the bandwagon...
Okay so a lot has happened in the last month or so. I am out of one of my challenges but the other is still going strong. I have fallen behind on one of my bills but only have two more payments on another. I have eight blankets to make and have finished 1 and have another pinned together (need thread for it though). I have decided I am ready to move on with my life and start dating again so I am working on that as well. Okay so now let's get to the meat of the blog not the update.
Let's start with the challenge that is no more. I did not make the sales I needed for March so I am no longer in the running for the new iPad. But that is okay I didn't really need it, it was just a frivolous want and once I get all my other goals settled I will get one for myself. I am still going to work hard to fill in those circles for the next two months so that I can get things paid off and all that. I need to move out, get a car and pay off all my debt and then I can start saving for an iPad or something else as a reward for hitting my other goals.
I am still a part of the Game On challenge and have been doing good at losing the 1% weekly weight goal but this week I don't think I will make it. We will wait and see in the morning though. It's only been three weeks and I have lost about 4 pounds and can squeeze into some of my size 6 pants again. Good thing the summer is still a ways away. I have been walking daily at work, mainly to get away from my co-worker, and love it. I have gotten to the point where I can go the first 8 blocks of town in twenty minutes.
I have fallen behind on the Dell Financial account because last month I used the last of my money for books in order to make the challenge and that overdrew my account so this month I was short that extra money I would have had. No worries though I should be able to catch up this coming month (I hope). As for First Financial, I only have a payment in April and May and then it is paid off for good. I do still have to deal with J C Penney but I will wait until First Financial is paid off for that one. After those two are paid off all I have is Dell and I will throw all the money from First Financial will go towards Dell and it will be paid off pretty quickly I think.
I have started making all the blankets for cousins and friends who are pregnant and due in July and August. I have three cousins due in August (two boys and a girl) and one friend due in July (she is having twins). I also have to make a blanket for the friends third child since they didn't get one yet and two for my friend Debbie's twins (still fighting to get an address). I did finish all but the ties on one of the blankets this morning (only took a day to stitch it completely). I have another one ready to sew I just need to get thread because I don't have the colors I thought I did. The others I still have to get fabric for. I'm going to look at the Monaca Wal-Mart on Wednesday for more fabric.
Lastly, on the dating scene. I was set up on a blind date by my aunt and he doesn't seem crazy like every other blind date I've been on. He stopped into the library on Saturday and caught me off guard. I have to e-mail and let him know what I want to do over the weekend. We'll see how that goes. I also joined Match.com and have a few possibilities there as well. I was trying to stick within three years age difference but the blind date is 34 I think she said and the main possibility on Match is 35. At least they are older this time and not younger. Oh well I am moving on and SO ready for it.
I guess that is all I have for you right now so until next time live life to the fullest and go after your dreams.
Let's start with the challenge that is no more. I did not make the sales I needed for March so I am no longer in the running for the new iPad. But that is okay I didn't really need it, it was just a frivolous want and once I get all my other goals settled I will get one for myself. I am still going to work hard to fill in those circles for the next two months so that I can get things paid off and all that. I need to move out, get a car and pay off all my debt and then I can start saving for an iPad or something else as a reward for hitting my other goals.
I am still a part of the Game On challenge and have been doing good at losing the 1% weekly weight goal but this week I don't think I will make it. We will wait and see in the morning though. It's only been three weeks and I have lost about 4 pounds and can squeeze into some of my size 6 pants again. Good thing the summer is still a ways away. I have been walking daily at work, mainly to get away from my co-worker, and love it. I have gotten to the point where I can go the first 8 blocks of town in twenty minutes.
I have fallen behind on the Dell Financial account because last month I used the last of my money for books in order to make the challenge and that overdrew my account so this month I was short that extra money I would have had. No worries though I should be able to catch up this coming month (I hope). As for First Financial, I only have a payment in April and May and then it is paid off for good. I do still have to deal with J C Penney but I will wait until First Financial is paid off for that one. After those two are paid off all I have is Dell and I will throw all the money from First Financial will go towards Dell and it will be paid off pretty quickly I think.
I have started making all the blankets for cousins and friends who are pregnant and due in July and August. I have three cousins due in August (two boys and a girl) and one friend due in July (she is having twins). I also have to make a blanket for the friends third child since they didn't get one yet and two for my friend Debbie's twins (still fighting to get an address). I did finish all but the ties on one of the blankets this morning (only took a day to stitch it completely). I have another one ready to sew I just need to get thread because I don't have the colors I thought I did. The others I still have to get fabric for. I'm going to look at the Monaca Wal-Mart on Wednesday for more fabric.
Lastly, on the dating scene. I was set up on a blind date by my aunt and he doesn't seem crazy like every other blind date I've been on. He stopped into the library on Saturday and caught me off guard. I have to e-mail and let him know what I want to do over the weekend. We'll see how that goes. I also joined Match.com and have a few possibilities there as well. I was trying to stick within three years age difference but the blind date is 34 I think she said and the main possibility on Match is 35. At least they are older this time and not younger. Oh well I am moving on and SO ready for it.
I guess that is all I have for you right now so until next time live life to the fullest and go after your dreams.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Goals! Goals! Goals!
So it has been a short while since I posted. I have been extremely busy trying to make the sales I need for the iPad this month. I am still $371 away and don't know how I am going to manage it. I had a booth yesterday and made $118 in the first 3 hours and then nobody stopped the rest of the day. With that money I bought another $160 in inventory. I have an order for the library all ready to go through. I am going to turn one of the slips in Tuesday, get re-imbursed for it and then order. The other slip can wait until the following Tuesday. Oh and the amazing upgrade...IT'S "THE NEW" iPad. How cool is that? Since I got my sales in February if I make sales for the next 3 months I will get the NEW iPad. I am super excited. This will be the first time in forever that I actually make the sales goals ever. I don't really care about recruiting because I am already fighting for the things I do get but I need the sales. I am thinking of expanding to like the Poland library and some of the other ones in Ohio...maybe I will have better luck with them.
In other news, well I don't really have any other news. I started the GAME ON challenge on Monday as well. Still going strong. It's so hard to find things to take to work that are low carb but high in calories. It has been so nice outside that most of the week I walked outside. Took the dog a couple of times. If it gets cold again then I will resort to exercise videos. I got a couple Tae-Bo videos from the library. My main goal is to lose the thighs and the hips so I can fit in my size 6's and not have to go out and buy new summer clothes...lol.
I got Rachel's old phone and I can honestly say I love it and I hate it. It's a piece of crap but I was able to put orders directly into OrderPro last night at my booth. So having a smart phone is GREAT but I can't wait till I can get a good one, which will apparently be two years when this stupid crappy Verizon contract is up. I HATE Verizon with a passion but I needed a good real phone and it couldn't wait any longer. Even got to keep my number.
Okay well I think that is all the ramblings I have for today. Later!
In other news, well I don't really have any other news. I started the GAME ON challenge on Monday as well. Still going strong. It's so hard to find things to take to work that are low carb but high in calories. It has been so nice outside that most of the week I walked outside. Took the dog a couple of times. If it gets cold again then I will resort to exercise videos. I got a couple Tae-Bo videos from the library. My main goal is to lose the thighs and the hips so I can fit in my size 6's and not have to go out and buy new summer clothes...lol.
I got Rachel's old phone and I can honestly say I love it and I hate it. It's a piece of crap but I was able to put orders directly into OrderPro last night at my booth. So having a smart phone is GREAT but I can't wait till I can get a good one, which will apparently be two years when this stupid crappy Verizon contract is up. I HATE Verizon with a passion but I needed a good real phone and it couldn't wait any longer. Even got to keep my number.
Okay well I think that is all the ramblings I have for today. Later!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Oh the Challenges we face...
Okay, folks. I have an update for you again finally. A few things are falling into place for me at last. I am a month into making this challenge for Usborne, I am going to start losing weight, I am 2 months away from paying off my biggest bill and things are starting to look up again.
So first of all let's talk about this challenge I mentioned. Usborne has given us a 4 month challenge and anybody that completes the challenge gets a FREE iPad 2. I completed the goal for February. March, April and May are going to be a little bit more difficult as well this month I have one booth booked. I do have 2 hopeful booths for next month but I have nothing for May yet. I am struggling but I am determined to meet this goal. Anybody that made the February goal gets some sort of upgrade and since the iPad 3 has been announced it is a possibility that is what it will be but we haven't been told yet.
Next, the Neeley clan has started a weight loss challenge called "Game On" and I am joining up. You have to choose a diet plan, drink so much water a day, work out so long every day and some other things. I decided for my diet plan I am doing a low-carb diet and try for 1500 calories per day. I also want to try for 75 grams of protein a day as well, but I am not as concerned with the protein. The calorie and protein numbers are the amount I should have daily for maximum weight loss. I also will be getting some samples of a weight loss shake and pill in the mail so I will be trying those as well. The challenge is 6 weeks long and since I want to be back down in my size 4 and 6's for summer this is the perfect time for this to happen.
Ah, the debt! That's right folks First Financial will be paid off in May and I can't wait. After that I will pay off the J C Penney bill in June. Everything I threw at those two will then be thrown at the Dell. I should be out of debt by the end of the year. I was hoping to say by summer but that won't happen since I threw all my tax refund at obtaining inventory for Usborne. Oh well. From now on anything I get from Usborne will be saved and used to throw at these bill as well. I am hoping to have a few hundred dollars this month to pay off the J C Penney this month. That would be nice. If I can get the sales next month and in May I will be throwing a few hundred at Dell as well so maybe the end of summer is a good time period. LOL!!! Every time I talk about this situation it changes but with gas prices at $3.80 I am throwing more at gas than saving it. Not fun!
In other news, my friend Ben is coming home next month and I am super excited about that. It feels like years since I've seen him. In all reality it has been about a year and a half. And I saw him twice that year. Also, I am finally able to get a real phone. I don't really want to be stuck with said phone for 2 years, as it is Verizon, but you have to do what you have to do. Hmmm...what else do I have to tell you all about? I think that may be all for now. I will keep you updated on the challenges and the debt situation as they go on.
So first of all let's talk about this challenge I mentioned. Usborne has given us a 4 month challenge and anybody that completes the challenge gets a FREE iPad 2. I completed the goal for February. March, April and May are going to be a little bit more difficult as well this month I have one booth booked. I do have 2 hopeful booths for next month but I have nothing for May yet. I am struggling but I am determined to meet this goal. Anybody that made the February goal gets some sort of upgrade and since the iPad 3 has been announced it is a possibility that is what it will be but we haven't been told yet.
Next, the Neeley clan has started a weight loss challenge called "Game On" and I am joining up. You have to choose a diet plan, drink so much water a day, work out so long every day and some other things. I decided for my diet plan I am doing a low-carb diet and try for 1500 calories per day. I also want to try for 75 grams of protein a day as well, but I am not as concerned with the protein. The calorie and protein numbers are the amount I should have daily for maximum weight loss. I also will be getting some samples of a weight loss shake and pill in the mail so I will be trying those as well. The challenge is 6 weeks long and since I want to be back down in my size 4 and 6's for summer this is the perfect time for this to happen.
Ah, the debt! That's right folks First Financial will be paid off in May and I can't wait. After that I will pay off the J C Penney bill in June. Everything I threw at those two will then be thrown at the Dell. I should be out of debt by the end of the year. I was hoping to say by summer but that won't happen since I threw all my tax refund at obtaining inventory for Usborne. Oh well. From now on anything I get from Usborne will be saved and used to throw at these bill as well. I am hoping to have a few hundred dollars this month to pay off the J C Penney this month. That would be nice. If I can get the sales next month and in May I will be throwing a few hundred at Dell as well so maybe the end of summer is a good time period. LOL!!! Every time I talk about this situation it changes but with gas prices at $3.80 I am throwing more at gas than saving it. Not fun!
In other news, my friend Ben is coming home next month and I am super excited about that. It feels like years since I've seen him. In all reality it has been about a year and a half. And I saw him twice that year. Also, I am finally able to get a real phone. I don't really want to be stuck with said phone for 2 years, as it is Verizon, but you have to do what you have to do. Hmmm...what else do I have to tell you all about? I think that may be all for now. I will keep you updated on the challenges and the debt situation as they go on.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Whitney Houston - Saving All My Love For You (Official Music Video)
I'm saving all my love for you!
This song says it all. I will move on if I absolutely have to but I'm saving all my love for you. Whitney Houston's songs were always on the spot.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Hopeless Romantic? Me? WTF?
I have never really been one to be a hopeless romantic. I'm not into love stories or sappy TV shows usually. I would rather watch an action movie or spy show. But recently my own feelings have gotten to me and I have been watching the mushy and romantic parts of my favorite shows and rom/coms. I am not a fan of Valentine's Day, even when I was married and had a valentine. This year I find myself really wanting somebody to tell me how they feel, send me flowers, chocolate or something, anything.
I want somebody to say something like, "If it came between you and her I would choose you. It would always be you." Yes that is a line I just heard on Vampire Diaries but it would still be nice to hear. I want to know that somebody cares. That somebody wants me. That my feelings aren't in vain. I am not talking about anybody in particular here I just want somebody, period.
I have given up hope in any getting the one person I want. "True love is not real until it is returned." I guess you could say I am trying hard to move on but things keep going south for me. I have turned into one of the hopeless romantics that I hate.
That is all I have for today. More soon.
I want somebody to say something like, "If it came between you and her I would choose you. It would always be you." Yes that is a line I just heard on Vampire Diaries but it would still be nice to hear. I want to know that somebody cares. That somebody wants me. That my feelings aren't in vain. I am not talking about anybody in particular here I just want somebody, period.
I have given up hope in any getting the one person I want. "True love is not real until it is returned." I guess you could say I am trying hard to move on but things keep going south for me. I have turned into one of the hopeless romantics that I hate.
That is all I have for today. More soon.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Hermit Alert!!!
So I just updated my Usborne blog and thought I should update this one as well. I don't really have anything new going on. I have decided to give up trying to lose the weight I hoped to lose. Nobody really cares what I look like and at this point I don't even care what I look like. If I had time to work out steadily every day I wouldn't give up but I don't. I tried on pants yesterday and I am almost up another size, while I don't like it I have given up.
I went and saw One For the Money today after work by myself. That's right by myself, nothing new there though. People say I need a social life but to have a social life you have to have people you like and aren't always busy when you are free. Sometimes life sucks. So yeah due to complete differences of what is good I stick to my room and watch movies and read. I would have a book instead of reality any day.
I have had a few business opportunities jump into my life. I have a networking meeting on the 6th of February and a booth on the 13th of March. Maybe they will pan out and I will get a lot of showings from them. With my tax refund I am going to start ordering inventory and maybe do an indoor flea market or two. I am going to buy things while they are in the online sale and then sell them full price. I know technically that is cheating but that is also make money. I don't know where I am going to store the inventory as I have NO room at all anywhere in my room. I have used just about every single space available.
What else is there to say? I think that is about it. Mental break down from a few weeks ago is over. I was sick all week due to this really crappy weather we have been having lately. I feel awful about myself and I have become a hermit (besides work that is). So nothing new at all...lol.
I went and saw One For the Money today after work by myself. That's right by myself, nothing new there though. People say I need a social life but to have a social life you have to have people you like and aren't always busy when you are free. Sometimes life sucks. So yeah due to complete differences of what is good I stick to my room and watch movies and read. I would have a book instead of reality any day.
I have had a few business opportunities jump into my life. I have a networking meeting on the 6th of February and a booth on the 13th of March. Maybe they will pan out and I will get a lot of showings from them. With my tax refund I am going to start ordering inventory and maybe do an indoor flea market or two. I am going to buy things while they are in the online sale and then sell them full price. I know technically that is cheating but that is also make money. I don't know where I am going to store the inventory as I have NO room at all anywhere in my room. I have used just about every single space available.
What else is there to say? I think that is about it. Mental break down from a few weeks ago is over. I was sick all week due to this really crappy weather we have been having lately. I feel awful about myself and I have become a hermit (besides work that is). So nothing new at all...lol.
Monday, January 23, 2012
All the kings horses and all the kings men put Humpty Dumpty back together!!!
I have rebuilt the wall that cracked and it is completely safe to talk to me again. I have to say talking to a patron at the library going through a similar situation with her friends helped rebuild the wall. We were able to talk it out on Saturday and ever since I have been fine.
Yesterday I have no voice so I just kind of laid around and read. I started book three in the Stephanie Plum series at the library Saturday and got halfway through it so I finished it yesterday. I also started book four in the same series and read a bit more of book three in the Game of Thrones series. All of them are great books. I also watched the two new movies in the Love Comes Softly Series and the first 3 1/2 of them on my laptop. I felt pretty good other than no voice yesterday.
Today is back to work which means pulling books and all the fun stuff that goes with that. We are almost done pulling the non fiction...thank goodness. I will also be there basically on my own now that Allison is back at school. Should be oh so much fun.
As for the rest of the week, well I work till Thursday. Friday I have a facial in Cranberry. I won it free from a Mary Kay consultant at one of my booths last year. I have kept putting it off but I can't anymore. Saturday I work again, imagine that. Sunday I may be going to visit an Uncle I haven't seen in years. I love how things go down and then you never see people again. I'm not blaming anybody because I don't know what happened. But this is one of my favorite Uncle's and hearing how my little 7 year old cousin referred to him made me miss him so much more. So one day soon we will finally meet up. I do hope it is this weekend. Also this week I have to fit in some phone calls for Usborne and maybe make a few appointments for Friday.
Anyways, really just wanted to tell you the wall is fixed. Life it is boring, but I like it that way more times than not. I like my solitude there is nobody to bug me when I am alone which means I can do whatever I want while I figure things out. In the long run yes I do want people there to bug me all the time but for now I am happy in my solitude.
La'ers
Yesterday I have no voice so I just kind of laid around and read. I started book three in the Stephanie Plum series at the library Saturday and got halfway through it so I finished it yesterday. I also started book four in the same series and read a bit more of book three in the Game of Thrones series. All of them are great books. I also watched the two new movies in the Love Comes Softly Series and the first 3 1/2 of them on my laptop. I felt pretty good other than no voice yesterday.
Today is back to work which means pulling books and all the fun stuff that goes with that. We are almost done pulling the non fiction...thank goodness. I will also be there basically on my own now that Allison is back at school. Should be oh so much fun.
As for the rest of the week, well I work till Thursday. Friday I have a facial in Cranberry. I won it free from a Mary Kay consultant at one of my booths last year. I have kept putting it off but I can't anymore. Saturday I work again, imagine that. Sunday I may be going to visit an Uncle I haven't seen in years. I love how things go down and then you never see people again. I'm not blaming anybody because I don't know what happened. But this is one of my favorite Uncle's and hearing how my little 7 year old cousin referred to him made me miss him so much more. So one day soon we will finally meet up. I do hope it is this weekend. Also this week I have to fit in some phone calls for Usborne and maybe make a few appointments for Friday.
Anyways, really just wanted to tell you the wall is fixed. Life it is boring, but I like it that way more times than not. I like my solitude there is nobody to bug me when I am alone which means I can do whatever I want while I figure things out. In the long run yes I do want people there to bug me all the time but for now I am happy in my solitude.
La'ers
Friday, January 20, 2012
Nasty!!
Ok so random question. If you know somebody can't eat fast food burgers why would you get dinner from somewhere that serves nothing but burgers and then ask if they are going to eat the one you bought them? I now have to make my own dinner because mom stopped at 5 Guys and got burgers for everybody. Even the fries were nasty, I only had a few and half weren't finished cooking and the other half were over done. I don't know the last time I've had a restaurant burger because they always make me sick and while I love fries they have to be done properly and not rubbery. I've made my own dinner every day this week you would think they would know what I can and can't eat.
However I have started rebuilding the wall in my brain. While it goes up I have been keeping my mind busy with other things while it is going back up. I don't want to think about any of the things I was keeping behind that wall for a very long time. When I do the depression sinks in and I can barely function. I don't remember a thing about Wednesday at all and I don't like that feeling at all.
The snow has come and I can't wait for it to leave. Before any of you make a comment I only live in Pennsylvania because I have to not because I want to. I can't stand the cold and the snow but for now I have to deal with it. I don't like anything about Pennsylvania period, there is nothing in or about this place that I would miss. Eventually I may even make to a place I can stand, like the beach somewhere.
Got to go get my food. Then time for a shower and bed I think. Later!
However I have started rebuilding the wall in my brain. While it goes up I have been keeping my mind busy with other things while it is going back up. I don't want to think about any of the things I was keeping behind that wall for a very long time. When I do the depression sinks in and I can barely function. I don't remember a thing about Wednesday at all and I don't like that feeling at all.
The snow has come and I can't wait for it to leave. Before any of you make a comment I only live in Pennsylvania because I have to not because I want to. I can't stand the cold and the snow but for now I have to deal with it. I don't like anything about Pennsylvania period, there is nothing in or about this place that I would miss. Eventually I may even make to a place I can stand, like the beach somewhere.
Got to go get my food. Then time for a shower and bed I think. Later!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Breaking of the Dam
Who will save me from the fear and pain I feel? Who will save me from myself? Who will save me from my suffering? The answer is I have to do it myself.
Today was the first day of a rut that I found myself in. I hope that it is also the last day of said rut. A lot of things have just been piling up in the back of my mind and the wall I put them behind has slowly been breaking. Last night the last of the wall fell away and it has all been plaguing me all day. I was able to make it through the day by simply going through the motions. I didn't talk much today in fear of what may come out of my mouth. All my co-workers knew something was up and kind of left me to my own thoughts. Even the patrons seemed to leave me on my own but there were three of us there so it wasn't hard to do.
I bet you are all wondering what these things I hid behind the broken wall were aren't you. Well there are the usual things that I mention on here all the time. The friend I am missing more than anything in this world (Debbie), my debt issues, my pain in the butt co-workers, and well a few others. But there are a few things I either haven't mentioned on here before or haven't mentioned in a while. I don't like to talk about them which is why they aren't on here often but I am going to get down and dirty in this blog. It's all coming out before I go completely CRAZY!!!
So I never pictured myself having kids of my own. I was perfectly content just hanging out with other peoples kids. They loved to play and then they got to go home to their own families. Since Thanksgiving however I have been feeling the want for kids of my own. I don't know that I really want to get married again anytime soon but I do want to start a family soon. I want to be with somebody who loves me enough to raise a family with me. While yes I do have a few issues with spit up and way dirty diapers I do love being with kids. I just want them to be my own sooner rather than later. Maybe it is all the dreams I have been having but I REALLY want kids.
Now onto the other even harder thing to talk about. I know I have mentioned this before but I know it has been a while. Maybe some song lyrics will help me through this part.
There was a boy
A very strange
Enchanted boy
They say he wandered
Very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he
And then one day
One magic day
He passed my way
While we spoke
Of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love and
Be loved in return"
This song is how I feel every day. There is a boy and he is Very strange and Very enchanting. He has wandered very far over both land and sea. He is far from shy but can sometimes be sad of eye and is indeed very wise (when he wants to be). One magic day we were introduced. It didn't take long before I knew he was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We both married other people and divorced them. Now neither of us are ready for marriage if we ever will be. I just want to be with him I don't care if we ever end up married I just want him in my life FOREVER!!! He is my best friend and I don't want things to be awkward between us either so it is a VERY tricky situation.
Today was the first day of a rut that I found myself in. I hope that it is also the last day of said rut. A lot of things have just been piling up in the back of my mind and the wall I put them behind has slowly been breaking. Last night the last of the wall fell away and it has all been plaguing me all day. I was able to make it through the day by simply going through the motions. I didn't talk much today in fear of what may come out of my mouth. All my co-workers knew something was up and kind of left me to my own thoughts. Even the patrons seemed to leave me on my own but there were three of us there so it wasn't hard to do.
I bet you are all wondering what these things I hid behind the broken wall were aren't you. Well there are the usual things that I mention on here all the time. The friend I am missing more than anything in this world (Debbie), my debt issues, my pain in the butt co-workers, and well a few others. But there are a few things I either haven't mentioned on here before or haven't mentioned in a while. I don't like to talk about them which is why they aren't on here often but I am going to get down and dirty in this blog. It's all coming out before I go completely CRAZY!!!
So I never pictured myself having kids of my own. I was perfectly content just hanging out with other peoples kids. They loved to play and then they got to go home to their own families. Since Thanksgiving however I have been feeling the want for kids of my own. I don't know that I really want to get married again anytime soon but I do want to start a family soon. I want to be with somebody who loves me enough to raise a family with me. While yes I do have a few issues with spit up and way dirty diapers I do love being with kids. I just want them to be my own sooner rather than later. Maybe it is all the dreams I have been having but I REALLY want kids.
Now onto the other even harder thing to talk about. I know I have mentioned this before but I know it has been a while. Maybe some song lyrics will help me through this part.
There was a boy
A very strange
Enchanted boy
They say he wandered
Very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he
And then one day
One magic day
He passed my way
While we spoke
Of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love and
Be loved in return"
This song is how I feel every day. There is a boy and he is Very strange and Very enchanting. He has wandered very far over both land and sea. He is far from shy but can sometimes be sad of eye and is indeed very wise (when he wants to be). One magic day we were introduced. It didn't take long before I knew he was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We both married other people and divorced them. Now neither of us are ready for marriage if we ever will be. I just want to be with him I don't care if we ever end up married I just want him in my life FOREVER!!! He is my best friend and I don't want things to be awkward between us either so it is a VERY tricky situation.
Now don't get me wrong I love my life I just wish some things were different. I do know that I need to prove to myself that I am ready for all the above situations. I need to live completely on my own for a bit, I need to have my debt paid off and I need to be able to have a car of my own and be able to maintain it. This year I will prove that to myself and then I will worry about the rest of my dreams. I will achieve my every dream. I just have to remember that "A dream is a wish your heart makes." My heart is ready for one dream to come true VERY soon but it may take a bit longer.
I think that is everything I have for tonight so come back soon and see how it all goes.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
To See or Not To See
Ok so I have been to Germany once and didn't see much. I did get to take pictures of some of the old buildings. The above picture is one of the ones I took. My experience in Germany was not a good one. I was sick almost the entire time I was there and it really sucked. Also I was there at Christmas visiting my ex-husband and while he had a lot of time off I still spent most of the time alone. Being sick, alone and in a foreign country for the first time doesn't really make one too happy.
The above is a picture my friend Ben took in his first year of being in Germany. I actually stole it from his Facebook page...lol. It looks gorgeous and I have come to the conclusion that I will make it to Germany again before he is sent somewhere else. I want to see the country side. I want to see the pretty places. I don't want my view of a town called Schweinfurt (Pig Fort) to be the only view of Germany. Because well it SUCKS!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Lying in Wait
Yesterday I realized that I don't know the truth about what I really want. I was talking to my friend and before we signed off he asked if I was okay? Pretty easy to answer question right? I said I was but I really wasn't. It wasn't a lie at the time because I was okay when he asked. The more I thought about that question "Are you okay?" I realized that I am far from okay and it has been that way for a while.
I have been lying to myself far too long. I am supposed to be finding me and being me (part of the reason I need to move out) and I haven't been. If I act like me around here I would have no car and no place to live in a split second I have no doubts about that. I am sick of being somebody else's me I want to be my own person. Only one person has seen the true me and that person hasn't seen it all by a long shot.
That isn't all I have been lying about but I don't really want to get into it on here. The rest is a really sore subject for me at the time being and I don't like thinking about it at all. Hence the reason I lock up inside and let it nudge me every once in a while. Just wish this would change so I didn't have to hide it anymore.
Oh well I guess that is all I have for today. Just wanted to say that. Later
I have been lying to myself far too long. I am supposed to be finding me and being me (part of the reason I need to move out) and I haven't been. If I act like me around here I would have no car and no place to live in a split second I have no doubts about that. I am sick of being somebody else's me I want to be my own person. Only one person has seen the true me and that person hasn't seen it all by a long shot.
That isn't all I have been lying about but I don't really want to get into it on here. The rest is a really sore subject for me at the time being and I don't like thinking about it at all. Hence the reason I lock up inside and let it nudge me every once in a while. Just wish this would change so I didn't have to hide it anymore.
Oh well I guess that is all I have for today. Just wanted to say that. Later
Friday, January 13, 2012
Boil, Boil, Toil and Trouble...
So things have been crazy this week and that is a good thing. I got my room cleaned, I did all my returns, did some shopping, and YES started my workout schedule. Today the weather was iffy so I spent the day finally doing all my laundry and I amazingly had 4 loads but I also did my blankets. That is the first time in a LONG time I have actually sorted my laundry and had enough to do everything separate...I guess that is what happens when you don't do laundry for THREE weeks and your out of clothes.
As for working out I did a half hour of a cardio workout video via Netflix and loved it. It mixes dance with cardio so it was fun. It wasn't a workout at all with the dancing aspect. I have done it twice, every other day, so far. This workout is all about the abs. I have been trying to stay busy at work and not sit much, so that takes care of the arms (lifting 10 + pounds of books at a time) and legs (climbing stools and walking around). However my biggest concern is the stomach and hip/thighs, seeing as that is where I gained all my weight.
When I was at the store I bought Tangerines and crackers instead of candy. I have stopped eating as much bread. I am still working on finding other things to take for lunch instead of sandwiches. I can't take Tuna every day, sure I love it but every day is just too much. I want to be down to my size 6's again by April, mainly so I can use the next few months before Summer to fit in my swimsuits properly.
This year is the year of changes, once again. I will lose the weight again, I will have a car, I will move out and I will be happy. I got all my taxes sent in. I already overspent on my budget but I will be getting refunded for some of it. I will be trying to get some Usborne business in the coming weeks too. Which reminds me I need to update my Usborne blog with all the new books. Next week I will be making calls for that so we'll see what happens. I have an indoor flea market that I am thinking about trying out a few times, in Monaca.
When taxes come in I will pay off my JC Penney's card and the rest will go into savings, well after I set some aside for gas money. I don't have a Dell payment this month but I may try to pay a bit on that as well. First Financial goes through automatically on the 21st, which is the only reason I still have 3 bank accounts. I look forward to May when the last payment goes through. I am hoping that the last Dell payment goes through then too. We will see how this year goes work wise. So far it is looking good!
Other than that I don't really know what else to say so I am off to get some other work done. Later!
As for working out I did a half hour of a cardio workout video via Netflix and loved it. It mixes dance with cardio so it was fun. It wasn't a workout at all with the dancing aspect. I have done it twice, every other day, so far. This workout is all about the abs. I have been trying to stay busy at work and not sit much, so that takes care of the arms (lifting 10 + pounds of books at a time) and legs (climbing stools and walking around). However my biggest concern is the stomach and hip/thighs, seeing as that is where I gained all my weight.
When I was at the store I bought Tangerines and crackers instead of candy. I have stopped eating as much bread. I am still working on finding other things to take for lunch instead of sandwiches. I can't take Tuna every day, sure I love it but every day is just too much. I want to be down to my size 6's again by April, mainly so I can use the next few months before Summer to fit in my swimsuits properly.
This year is the year of changes, once again. I will lose the weight again, I will have a car, I will move out and I will be happy. I got all my taxes sent in. I already overspent on my budget but I will be getting refunded for some of it. I will be trying to get some Usborne business in the coming weeks too. Which reminds me I need to update my Usborne blog with all the new books. Next week I will be making calls for that so we'll see what happens. I have an indoor flea market that I am thinking about trying out a few times, in Monaca.
When taxes come in I will pay off my JC Penney's card and the rest will go into savings, well after I set some aside for gas money. I don't have a Dell payment this month but I may try to pay a bit on that as well. First Financial goes through automatically on the 21st, which is the only reason I still have 3 bank accounts. I look forward to May when the last payment goes through. I am hoping that the last Dell payment goes through then too. We will see how this year goes work wise. So far it is looking good!
Other than that I don't really know what else to say so I am off to get some other work done. Later!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
A Little Bit Of This, A Tad Of That, And Everything In Between!!
So when I came home to Pennsylvania in June of 2010 I weighed a total of 125 pounds and I looked great. I had been home about 6 months before I gained 30 of the 50 pounds I had lost back. So here it is January 2012 and I am holding steady at 160 pounds and I hate it because I am out of all my pants. I did good at Christmas and Thanksgiving but I think that is because nobody made any good desserts...lol. But now it is time to lose the weight and I'm not sure how that is going to work. Last time I lost it all it was because I walked alot, didn't have time to eat, worked two jobs (one of which overnight) and lived off of Peanut M & M's.
I'm not saying I look bad or that I absolutely have to lose the weight. I would just like to be able to wear my size 4's and 6's again. I started right so far by trying to eat right. I have a few workout videos on my Netflix account. Since Thanksgiving I have lost 3 pounds just by cutting back on the amount of bread I was eating. So now to find the time to actually work out and I should start losing more and more weight.
My goal is to be back down to 125 pounds by spring. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I will manage it. If I have to stop eating I will and you can believe that, well not completely. I want to feel healthy again and I don't right now. I want to feel as beautiful as everybody tells me I am and I don't. I want to fit decently into my bikini's this year.
But on a completely different topic. I got my W-2 at work today and already did my taxes. I have to wait a couple days before I can actually submit my State taxes. But the actual work is done. I didn't have to pay anything on either but I don't get anything back from State. I get a big sum from my Federal taxes though. It is all going straight into SAVINGS so between the pay check and tax refund I will have about $400 this month. Not to mention I will have another bill paid off and the last two well on the way to being paid off.
So this year is starting off pretty darn well for me. I will have a car, move out and lose all my gained weight by the middle of the year. Oh and not to mention I will be DEBT FREE in MAY or before. I will be starting fresh this year and I am so ready for that. I plan to visit Utah this year at some point too, get the rest of my things. I will try to curb my movie and book spending this year and only buy what I absolutely need, which isn't much really.
I can't wait to see how this year ends up. Will I be happy? Will I find somebody new who wants to be with me? Will I be happy with myself? Will I become the Independent person I want to be? What good will this year do me? I hope I get all these things and more.
I'm not saying I look bad or that I absolutely have to lose the weight. I would just like to be able to wear my size 4's and 6's again. I started right so far by trying to eat right. I have a few workout videos on my Netflix account. Since Thanksgiving I have lost 3 pounds just by cutting back on the amount of bread I was eating. So now to find the time to actually work out and I should start losing more and more weight.
My goal is to be back down to 125 pounds by spring. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I will manage it. If I have to stop eating I will and you can believe that, well not completely. I want to feel healthy again and I don't right now. I want to feel as beautiful as everybody tells me I am and I don't. I want to fit decently into my bikini's this year.
But on a completely different topic. I got my W-2 at work today and already did my taxes. I have to wait a couple days before I can actually submit my State taxes. But the actual work is done. I didn't have to pay anything on either but I don't get anything back from State. I get a big sum from my Federal taxes though. It is all going straight into SAVINGS so between the pay check and tax refund I will have about $400 this month. Not to mention I will have another bill paid off and the last two well on the way to being paid off.
So this year is starting off pretty darn well for me. I will have a car, move out and lose all my gained weight by the middle of the year. Oh and not to mention I will be DEBT FREE in MAY or before. I will be starting fresh this year and I am so ready for that. I plan to visit Utah this year at some point too, get the rest of my things. I will try to curb my movie and book spending this year and only buy what I absolutely need, which isn't much really.
I can't wait to see how this year ends up. Will I be happy? Will I find somebody new who wants to be with me? Will I be happy with myself? Will I become the Independent person I want to be? What good will this year do me? I hope I get all these things and more.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
SUICIDE IS NOT AN OPTION!!!!
So this year has not started off well for a lot of people. I can gladly say that it hasn't been all that bad for me so far. But this post is not about that this post is about knowing who you are and knowing you have people there who will listen to you.
Yesterday in my home town there was a suicide. I don't know the whole story but apparently the girl walked out of class and then the school without being stopped. She proceeded to walk home when she was hit by a train. When I first heard about it I thought there was a car involved so like I said I don't know all the details.
I do know that our town has pulled together and had a candle light ceremony for the girl last night. This girl was a popular girl as well as a cheerleader. So why her? At the candle light ceremony last night her father said, "There is always somebody to listen. Never give up." A train passed as he was talking at which point he said, "That is what she heard and I wish I would have told her that."
I have felt the feelings she felt. I was never able to do what she did though. I have thought about it on several occasions throughout my life because I couldn't take it anymore. But every time I got that call or text or email from a friend and they listened. They magically appeared when I needed them. If you have just one person who will stop everything and talk to you then you have everything you need in life. That friend may be far away or right across the hall. They could have busy lives but when you need them they will drop everything and listen.
I guess what I am saying is that SUICIDE is NOT an option. Your life is precious. All you have to do is tell somebody that you trust that you need to talk and I guarantee they will drop what they are doing and talk to you for as long as it takes. I don't know that there is much else I can say on this topic but I needed to get that out.
I grieve for the family that lost this young senior in high school. She is in Heaven now where she won't have to struggle anymore. I may not have known her but for those of you who mourn her my heart goes out to you all and the family is in my prayers. I just hope that the sisters will manage to go on without her and they won't struggle as much as this your girl did.
Yesterday in my home town there was a suicide. I don't know the whole story but apparently the girl walked out of class and then the school without being stopped. She proceeded to walk home when she was hit by a train. When I first heard about it I thought there was a car involved so like I said I don't know all the details.
I do know that our town has pulled together and had a candle light ceremony for the girl last night. This girl was a popular girl as well as a cheerleader. So why her? At the candle light ceremony last night her father said, "There is always somebody to listen. Never give up." A train passed as he was talking at which point he said, "That is what she heard and I wish I would have told her that."
I have felt the feelings she felt. I was never able to do what she did though. I have thought about it on several occasions throughout my life because I couldn't take it anymore. But every time I got that call or text or email from a friend and they listened. They magically appeared when I needed them. If you have just one person who will stop everything and talk to you then you have everything you need in life. That friend may be far away or right across the hall. They could have busy lives but when you need them they will drop everything and listen.
I guess what I am saying is that SUICIDE is NOT an option. Your life is precious. All you have to do is tell somebody that you trust that you need to talk and I guarantee they will drop what they are doing and talk to you for as long as it takes. I don't know that there is much else I can say on this topic but I needed to get that out.
I grieve for the family that lost this young senior in high school. She is in Heaven now where she won't have to struggle anymore. I may not have known her but for those of you who mourn her my heart goes out to you all and the family is in my prayers. I just hope that the sisters will manage to go on without her and they won't struggle as much as this your girl did.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Taking off the Blinders!!!
We struggle through life because that is what we are supposed to do. We journey into the unknown because that is where we are led. If we are afraid to try new things and take that jump into the unknown then we won't find our true selves.
When the blinders come off what do you see? I see insecurity and the end of the tunnel. I see a life that I want. I see a family that I can't wait to start. I see a chance for true happiness. I know what lies ahead for me I just have to wait for the other person to come along and know it too.
Bad things happen to good people. I know a lot of bad things have happened to me and my friends. I know that life is worth the journey if your friends have your back. My friends are my family. They are the only people who truly understand what is going on with me. I know they care they just have a lot on their plates right now, but it is hard not to see them and talk to them.
I like everybody else struggle to hold onto that knowledge of taking the blinders off. I can still see it all every time I close my eyes and it gives me peace and comforts me to know that one day I will be truly happy. I await that day and wish it would come sooner rather than later. I wait patiently for my happy ending to come. Until then I work hard to make my life a better one for myself and try to make it as happy and joyful a life as I can.
When the blinders come off what do you see? I see insecurity and the end of the tunnel. I see a life that I want. I see a family that I can't wait to start. I see a chance for true happiness. I know what lies ahead for me I just have to wait for the other person to come along and know it too.
Bad things happen to good people. I know a lot of bad things have happened to me and my friends. I know that life is worth the journey if your friends have your back. My friends are my family. They are the only people who truly understand what is going on with me. I know they care they just have a lot on their plates right now, but it is hard not to see them and talk to them.
I like everybody else struggle to hold onto that knowledge of taking the blinders off. I can still see it all every time I close my eyes and it gives me peace and comforts me to know that one day I will be truly happy. I await that day and wish it would come sooner rather than later. I wait patiently for my happy ending to come. Until then I work hard to make my life a better one for myself and try to make it as happy and joyful a life as I can.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
New Year Resolution???
So after about 4 hours of sleep last night I am once again wide awake. I was nodding off all morning but now I'm fine...can anybody explain that too me. I just wanted to let you all in on some of my New Years Resolutions.
- Lose all the weight I gained in the last year
- Pay off all debt
- Move out and get a car
- Be happy
- Read at least 100 books
This past year I gained 25 pounds, paid off all but 3 bills, finalized my divorce, and started moving on to my next future. I read 90 some odd books which is why the goal is 100 for this year. I started writing again after a LONG stint of writers block. So in ways this past year has been very good and in ways it has been very bad.
My biggest concerns for this year will be paying off those last 3 bills and then getting a car and move out. I need my own place with plenty of room for storage and shelving. Maybe a two bedroom and then I will turn one room into a library for all my books and movies. I know I'm getting ahead of myself there. I can't even think about that until July or August.
As for the losing weight well I have already started that process. Since Thanksgiving I have cut back on my bread intake and have lost 3 pounds. So that means I've only got 22 left to go. I found some new dance workout routines I'm gonna try as well so that I can tone up as well.
So how will it go? Who knows? Anyways, I'm off to work on my first books of the year. Later!!
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