Broken Hearted Again!!!

What do you do when all your dreams fall apart?  I'll tell you, I suffer in silence for a while and then I move on. I also make an idiot of myself which makes the suffering worse.  I have got to find a way to move on and get past my dream.  I can't let this ruin my life anymore.  Yes, I am afraid to move and honestly why would anybody want to be with somebody as screwed up as me.  It's like there is a switch in my head that says continue suffering but do it with somebody else.  It is an odd dilemma.

I have considered texting somebody and saying I am over somebody else and ready to see him again but it would be a lie.  Call me crazy but while I really like the first person I can't be with somebody that reminds me of said second person.  You are all probably very confused about what I am talking about but I can't describe it any better.  I am a complete and utter mess right now and am not ready to move on just yet.

But in other news, I may be getting both a promotion and raise at the library.  Waiting to see if everything is okay and goes through as planned.  With the library board you can never be sure what will happen.  I am super excited and sad about the coming changes.  I am also super excited about planning the summer reading programs this year.

First Financial is finally paid off next month.  Then a month or two after that I will be able to pay off J C Penney's.  That will only leave Dell unpaid and I can throw all my money at it.  With a raise I may be able to get a car while I pay off the Dell account.  Meaning shortly after that I can get the HELL out of this house and hopefully NEVER come back again.  For the time being I am going to stick around the area to stick with this job.  So far it is the second longest job I've had and the first was Graebel Movers.  Right now they are about tied at a year and a half.  September is year two at both Usborne and the library.  I am just glad everything is almost paid off at last it took almost 8 years to pay off the First Financial and will be almost 6 years for the Dell account.

Okay I think that is all I can say or have to say.  I will update you again soon.  Oh and no I have not been on the blind date yet and don't really want to go at all.  Everybody keeps bugging me about it.  I have three other people I really want to date.  One of them is seeing somebody and far away, one is exactly like the first and the third I am intrigued with but have only e-mailed or texted.  So I am struggling but I will figure it out.  I am afraid to move on but I know I have to.  There is no chance that things will change between me and guy number one...at least not anytime soon.

Later!