Ever have one line of a song stuck in your head???

So I have this song stuck in my head.  It's not even the whole song it is just one line and I have no idea what the rest of the song is.  I would love to post it but I can't until I know what it's called or even a few more of the lyrics.  There are lots of other things I wish I could tell you all but I am not stupid enough to post such personal stuff online here.  Even though most of you are people I don't even know.

How do you deal with Stress...

How do you deal with stress?  Me I make myself even more stressed.  I work myself so hard that I overstress and then burst.  When I go off I spend days alone in my room.  I have been stressed lately and actually the more I pushed myself to keep busy the less stressed I got.  It is the opposite of how it usually works with me.  I don't know what has been going on with me but hey it's all good in my book.  It gives me the strength to get through the days at work.

I have been pulling books in both the kids room and the adult non-fiction lately at work.  It is hard to keep track of where I left off in each room but they both need done like you wouldn't believe.  Monday one of the ladies that strictly does the cataloging of books is going to come back and try it out for a bit.  We don't think she will be able to manage it for that long.  It will take a little bit of work away from me for a little while so it's ok with me if she tries.  It will free up some time to actually pull more books from the adult non-fiction, even though we really need to work on pulling the rest of the kids room.

I don't know what else to talk about.  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, then there is Black Friday, and then I have two days off before going back to work.  I am glad to have the time off I just wish we got paid for it.  I could use that two days worth of pay I will be missing.  I am ready to spend the next few days chowing down on turkey and reading, Clash of Kings here I come.

Do crazy dreams make me crazy!!!

So I have been having these really bizarre and crazy dreams lately.  One night I dreamed that I was attacked by a flock of birds (no I hadn't been watching The Birds...lol).  What freaked me out the most is it sounded so real.  I did later find out that the sound of the swing was the hinges on my door and the sound of the swarm of birds was the dog shaking with her stupid cone on.  It was so bizarre.

In another dream I was attacked by somebody and my best friend was attacked by somebody else.  We both fought off the crazy people.  I may not know what these dreams mean but they get crazier and crazier as the nights go by.  I'm almost afraid to go to sleep lately.  Because some of the dreams are things I wish would come true.  I won't tell you about those though because they are REALLY personal.

I just wish I knew why I was having these dreams and if some of them would come true.  But it doesn't matter.  It is said however that our dreams are the mirror to the soul.  I guess that means most of them will come true.  I just wish they would come true soon...lol.

It's late, I'm going to bed.  Goodnight! 

CRAZY, HECTIC ALMOST NORMAL LIFE

It's been a rough few days.  I just can't move past some things that are going on right now and I don't know what to do about them.  I wish I knew what the problem was so that I could fix it and we could all move on, but I don't know what the problem is at all.  See the thing is I have this friend who for some reason is not talking to me (actually I have a couple) and I miss her and her family like there is no tomorrow.  Last night I read some emails we had sent each other and it made me miss her even more.  As it turns out a lot of the things in the emails are coming true again and I really wish I could talk to her about them.  Not to mention I have her twins baby presents here and need to get them shipped so that the babies can actually fit in them.

Anyways, I depleted a little bit of my Christmas list last night at Wal-Mart and K-Mart.  I bought a few of the books I had on my list because they were cheap.  Needless to say I hate shopping but I love bookstores.  Anyways, yesterday was CRAZY.  I got up at 9 and spent an hour re-activating my phone so I could make some business calls.  Then I headed out to Chippewa and dropped off a hostess pack to Joel and picked up my 31 orders.  Then I headed to Melissa's house to drop off Lance and Briauna's birthday presents.  Then I hit the bank and Foodland and still made it to work by 11:15 which is still early.  I spent the day at work and kept busy that's for sure.  We had the first van in three days yesterday, had a whole bunch more donations to enter in the computer, and I was there alone (Liz was busy in the back) so I had to make all the calls and help everybody find what they needed.  Not to mention I had to enter more books.  It was crazy.  Then I went back to Chippewa and did my shopping for Usborne and most of what I bought was for Usborne actually.  I went off grid with 3 books and a movie, but the rest was all Usborne.


Today is going to be just as crazy because well it's me and Annette.  I am taking in about 5 books that will need to be entered.  The van will be big again because they are still catching up.  I can't wait till 3:30 when Annette leaves though because that is when all the easy work starts (I don't have to worry about fixing her mistakes and being called to the front to help her.  I have a lot of work to do in the back because people keep screwing up and not in a good way.  Well I'm off to start my crazy day off with a shower and possibly straightening my hair, if I have time.  I got a lot of Usborne work done last night so I don't have to worry about that again until tomorrow night, while I am up waiting for Breaking Dawn and Friday.  Booth on Saturday.  It's going to be a HECTIC weekend to say the least.

Breaking Dawn - midnight Thursday/Friday
Mel's for HPDH P2 and Ramona and Beezus - Friday
Booth - Saturday
Booth Prep - Thursday/Friday and Saturday

Like I said HECTIC.  I will honestly be ready for Sunday to come just so I can sleep or something.  Although I was thinking about checking out some of the indoor flea markets I know about and possibly starting to put up tables there but we'll see what happens on Saturday at the booth I may be too booked to do that.  Later

Are you talking to me yet?

I thought I was done being ignored.  But it turns out I'm not.  I will never stop being ignored. My friends ignore me, my family ignores me, and I ignore myself sometimes too.  When will it end.  Have I said something to my friends to have them block me and ignore me all of the sudden.  I mean sure I have a huge mouth and say things that I shouldn't but I can't think of anything that would make them just stop talking to me.  I just don't get it at all.  Maybe my true self has shown through too much and that is the issue.  But since they don't talk to me I don't have anybody to tell my every thought too.  Very few people would want to know my every thought and why I think that way.  There used to be only one person, now it seems there are none.  What to do?

I didn't really have anything else to say just had to get that out.

One and only

I have grown to love ADELE. She has so many songs that fit my emotions perfectly. "I dare you to let me be your one and only." The best line I have heard in a long time. I wish I could use that line on people but first of all anybody I would use it on is far away and it would kind of hard if they aren't nearby.

Anyways let's move on. Things are crazy. I have been making a plan to book as many parties and booths as I can this Christmas season. I have already decided when the last possible party date could be in order to have orders by Christmas...December 13th. I already have two booths and one party with another possible party and bookfair. Now if I could get at least two parties from each event I do my schedule will be beyond full and I will have to push dates into the new year. I will push myself to make this a viable second job for two reasons. I really need the money that will flow in and I love the books and want to continue being able to collect them and share them with others. I also have flyers in the makes for the Black Friday sale they will be having. The next few months are going to be crazy. I have a call to a Learning Center to make on Friday and plan to try picking up as much business as possible on Friday.

I have also started working out again and trying to cut back on the junk food. I want to fit in my size 4 and 6 pants again dang it. I mean sure I only went up to an 8 but I like the style of my 4's better...lol. Honestly I just want to feel healthy again like I did in Utah. My best time on the treadmill so far is 3 mile in one hour 12 minutes. I try to walk every day but as soon as I can get my hands on some Taebo videos I will walk ever other day and do Taebo the other days. A nice switch. If it weren't so expensive I would try to get my hands on P90X but it's outrageously pricey...lol.

I don't have much else to say so enjoy!

Is it a mistake...PROBABLY!!!

So this month I will finally have the money to pay off the last bill that is in collections.  I am super excited about that because it means I am down to 2 bills and I can start throwing all my extra cash at them.  One of the one's left go through automatically so I don't have to worry about it (it will be gone in May) so any extra cash I get I will be throwing towards the other one so I can get it paid off in May too.  What I don't throw at the second bill will go into hiding for a car. 

I am starting to realize how busy the next few weeks are going to be.  I am working almost full time at the library and I have two booths and a party lined up for Usborne.  I also have the possibility to get at least two parties from each of those booths and the party.  As well as a library co-worker who may have a party and may talk her boss into doing a bookfair.  I am still going to go and talk to Terry at Rochester Library about doing a bookfair and possible LFL.  It is going to be getting busy busy busy but I like it that way because it keeps me from being able to make the biggest mistake of my life again.

I am super excited for Breaking Dawn Part 1 next week.  I got Kaylin, her boyfriend Kody and myself tickets to the midnight showing.  We still have to make a plan but we'll see what happens.  In leiu of the movie I started rereading the book on Sunday night.  I forgot how good it was.  I was beyond tired and I was still up until 1:30 reading.  I was unable to get into any books for the last week so I'll glad I was able to just slip right into this one.

Work has been crazy.  Saturday and Monday there was no heat whatsoever.  I'm really hoping that he came last night to fix it or comes first thing this morning to fix it.  Mainly because I don't have anything to keep myself busy and warm today except work on the kids room and it's too cold to let anybody back there let alone spend hours working back there.  I guess I could organize the non-fiction section out front...it's always a mess.

Now onto the mistake part.  I have been talking to a few people who have screwed me over time and time again.  All of them want to get together.  I am actually glad that this is the busy season for Usborne so that I can put it off.  I haven't even decided if talking to said people is a mistake or not but it probably is in the long run.  I have found that in the last oh I don't know three or four years I have become less trusting of people, they always seem to let me down and I'm done.  I can't go on being the naive girl I was four years ago so I hold people who have screwed me at arms length and I should keep them there and never talk to them again but I don't.  It's not in my nature.  So again and again I let them back in and get screwed again.

Oh and before I forget the daily walking is back on schedule.  I didn't get to walk Friday to yesterday but it starts back up again tonight.  Especially if today goes the way I think it will and I have a ton of frustration to walk off.  Let me just say that my co-workers are idiots and I can't believe they have survived this long.  The good thing is there is no van today so I won't have to deal with that.  I think that is all I had for today.  Later!

Someone Like You

So it took me a while but this song goes out to my ex and his wife. I never realized how much of this song goes along with my relationship with my ex.  I have listened to it over and over but I was in the car the other day and it hit me.  The first line says "I've heard that you've settled down. That your married now.  I heard that your dreams came true.  Guess she gave you things I wouldn't give to you.  I wish nothing but the best for you.  Sometimes a lesson learned but sometimes it hurts instead."

I'm not saying that the rest of the song really follows our relationship but those few lines definitely do.  I also found that the rest of the song reminds me of a friend.  Me and said friend are working through some tough things and honestly as the song says, "Never mind I'll find someone like you.  Don't forget me."  I could dissect this song even more but I won't.  Not that anybody I know actually reads this blog. 

"Nothing compares, no worries or cares.  Regrets and mistakes their memories made.  Who would have know how bittersweet this would taste."

I meant what I said...

I don't know what else to say but congratulations.  I mean I could say that I'm not happy for him but that would be a lie.  I know what I did hurt him and I hate that fact but I couldn't stay in a relationship with somebody who didn't know me and obviously didn't care enough to listen and learn about me.  I mean sure it was long distance but think about it we talked every night and we would talk about the same things every night.  So now he is remarried and going on a double date with his sister, brother in law and new wife.  I 'liked' his sisters facebook status stating as much and I was sincere in liking it.  People can think what they want but I am truly happy for them and I hope he is happy.  I hope he has learned from his mistakes in the marriage as I have learned from mine. 

One of the things I learned is that I'm really not ready for marriage.  I mean come on I had one boyfriend and been on 2 blind dates before I met him.  We hung out for like a week before getting engaged and then he was gone the entire engagement.  He came home like a day before we got married and then a week later was gone.  I learned to wait for somebody who loves me for the real me, which only one person knows.  I don't show the real me to just anybody.  I show her to the people or person I trust the most.  You would think that would include more people but it really isn't.  I can't be the real me around so many people anymore.  I am learning to be the real me more and more. 

But don't get me wrong this other person I pretend to be is very close to the real me.  The attitude, looks and most of the quirks are the same.  I just open up and let some of my quirks and issues slip away when I talk to or hang out with those who really know me.  In other words some people just know me a little bit better than others and that isn't a bad thing.  I owe these people a lot and they don't realize it.

Ok so this blog sounds kind of depressing doesn't it.  I just needed to get this off my mind.  I will post a song that goes along with it later, just have to figure out which song.  Later!!!

Disaster by JoJo

http://vevo.ly/tnj8mj

One of my favorite female artist Jo Jo is back and this is her new song.  I love it.  Check it out.

What A Beautiful Mess!!!

So the past few days have been interesting.  Saturday I headed back to work and got really frusterated because well it seemed just as bad if not worse than it had when I left on Tuesday and I made sure everything major that had to be done was done when I left.  I don't think I read more than 20 pages of my book while at work.  Then I came home and hopped on the treadmill to work off all that anger and other energy.  I walked for 2 hours and went 4 miles.  I also read more of my book and almost finished it.  I did finish my book that night and I was out by midnight.

Sunday well honestly I don't remember what I did Sunday so that means I was either on here all day or I was reading all day.  No surprises there.

Monday it was back to work.  I never finished my costume so I couldn't wear it, but hey I have my costume for next year all set up.  I did however use the orange hair color in my hair...a few streaks of orange here and there made me feel like somebody else.  We closed at 5 since trick or treat started at 6:30 and nobody wanted to get stuck driving through little kids crossing roads.  So I left at 5 and headed for Melissa and Eric's place for a fun night.  We just talked and played games.  I learned some new exercises for my knees that keep bugging me and my ankles.  Read some Halloween stories with the kids.  All in all it was a fun night.  I hadn't seen them in a few years (7-ish to be exact). 

That is where I learned that I seem happier and more open than I had back in college.  Well that's true.  Actually this all started a few weeks ago when I realized that I can't control what I want to happen I can only control what actually happens.  I realized that I was sinking myself into depression and I didn't even know it.  I also realized that I didn't want the whole relationship right now.  I do eventually but right now I don't want to be tied down to another relationship especially another long distance one.  I just let it all go and started enjoying life.

I also got enlisted for helping them plan the Ward Christmas Party.  Which will be fun.  I actually just talked to mom who did three of them and got some ideas as to themes and such.  Should be fun!!

Yesterday was actually a good day at work.  I just relaxed and read shelves.   It was slow and while reading shelves may bore others I rather enjoy making sure all the books are in order so that we can find them.  Makes the rest of my job so much easier.  Now if only we could get people to put them back in the right place I would be much happier.  I found out that my boss, Liz, is going to commission the board to let me have more of her responsibilities and get me more hours.  She wants to get another person or two who actually does the work correctly and quickly in there.  Annette has another 8 months on her contract and then I think she's out of there...we are both sick of her.  I am super excited about those little bits of information, just have to wait and see what the board says about this, but now that the jerk is off the board it may be better for us and we'll get more done.

We'll see what today brings.  I have to read the paperback books and work on the magazine rack.  Then I may get to sit back and relax a little bit.  I doubt it but maybe.  Maybe she will go through the books I have pulled and I can withdraw them all.  Then we could call up the Christian School and have them go through them today and the other lady can take the rest tomorrow.  Or have one go through them in the morning and the other take the rest in the afternoon. We'll see what today brings but I am super excited for it.