I meant what I said...

I don't know what else to say but congratulations.  I mean I could say that I'm not happy for him but that would be a lie.  I know what I did hurt him and I hate that fact but I couldn't stay in a relationship with somebody who didn't know me and obviously didn't care enough to listen and learn about me.  I mean sure it was long distance but think about it we talked every night and we would talk about the same things every night.  So now he is remarried and going on a double date with his sister, brother in law and new wife.  I 'liked' his sisters facebook status stating as much and I was sincere in liking it.  People can think what they want but I am truly happy for them and I hope he is happy.  I hope he has learned from his mistakes in the marriage as I have learned from mine. 

One of the things I learned is that I'm really not ready for marriage.  I mean come on I had one boyfriend and been on 2 blind dates before I met him.  We hung out for like a week before getting engaged and then he was gone the entire engagement.  He came home like a day before we got married and then a week later was gone.  I learned to wait for somebody who loves me for the real me, which only one person knows.  I don't show the real me to just anybody.  I show her to the people or person I trust the most.  You would think that would include more people but it really isn't.  I can't be the real me around so many people anymore.  I am learning to be the real me more and more. 

But don't get me wrong this other person I pretend to be is very close to the real me.  The attitude, looks and most of the quirks are the same.  I just open up and let some of my quirks and issues slip away when I talk to or hang out with those who really know me.  In other words some people just know me a little bit better than others and that isn't a bad thing.  I owe these people a lot and they don't realize it.

Ok so this blog sounds kind of depressing doesn't it.  I just needed to get this off my mind.  I will post a song that goes along with it later, just have to figure out which song.  Later!!!