Sunday, May 27, 2012

Destined to be alone...

I have so many thoughts and feelings going on in my head.  I want to put them all down and get it all out but I can't find the exact words.  All I can say is I feel alone but I am surrounded by people all the time.  Well almost all the time.  I have gone on dates recently...one guy stood me up, however my aunt says he was sick.  Don't know how much I believe that.  But I didn't really want to go out with him in the first place.  Another guy I talked with for a few weeks and finally went out almost three weeks ago and I haven't heard from him since, no matter how much I try to start a conversation with him.  What is it with guys?  I really thought the one date went really good and we both had fun unless he lied when he said that.  That wouldn't surprise me.

I am struggling to know what to do at work as well.  I am ready to move onto something better.  Maybe I am just ready to move somewhere better.  I have been ready to move elsewhere since I got back.  I am reverting back to the person I was before moving to Utah.  I am finally out of debt (well almost).  I am down to one bill.  I have gained all the weight I had lost and then some.  I was hoping to be moving out of here next year and somewhere warm year round.  I was however offered the head librarian position if I want it.  I don't know that I can stand the people or the position or this place much longer.  I just don't know what to do anymore and I wish I did.

My friends are too busy to bother talking to me or too far away.  So I work myself to death and let it all fester inside. I don't know how better to explain it or what else to say so I am going to leave it at that. 

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