AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!

When the world sees me for who I really am is when I will be truly happy. And by the world I don't mean it literally. I mean it as in my world...that one person or thing that makes the world worthwhile and meaningful. There is so much that I want to say but like I said yesterday some things can't be said until they are completely sorted out which will be a year when Tim gets back from deployment. This struggle is bigger than anything I have ever dealt with before and it is a choice that I never saw myself having to make but here I am stuck on the verge of a nervous breakdown with this decision and can't talk to anybody about it because it is something I HAVE to figure out on my own. It has thrown me in a slump because it is all I could think about yesterday I worked my butt off to keep my mind shut off but it didn't work so here I sit depressed, angry at the world and in a place where not a damn thing will go right. I haven't been able to talk to my best friend lately because he has been sick with the flu all week and I always seem to catch him when he is falling asleep. I don't have a penny to my name right now. Wednesday I should be all good again depending on how good the party is and Friday I will definitely be all good since I have a second party then. In two Saturday's I have my first booth up in Cranberry so I will finally be getting my name out there. Now to just find the $30 to register for the booth. I am so lost and confused right now...I really need to get out of my head and stop thinking about it all. Well only about half an hour before my shift starts so I am off and will update you all again soon.