TOO BAD...

So I did my federal taxes tonight because I got my last W2 from my mom in the mail. I still have to do the state taxes but seeing as I already know that I owe money on both I am waiting till I get my refund which should be on the 10th of April. From the looks of it I will owe $111 in PA state taxes and only $6 in Utah state taxes. Very confused about how that is but we will see for sure once I do them. You know I should be so excited about getting about $1000 back on my taxes but I'm not as excited as I should be. See if I weren't on my own and owing on bills I could totally put it all in savings to go to Germany come June. But after I pay off all my outstanding bills I will probably have about $600 left. Yes that is still a large sum but as I still have no job I will be living off of that until I get one. So like I said, I am excited to get it but not as excited as I would be if I could just save the money and go to Germany. Maybe I will get lucky and I will get a job next week and be able to save at least $500 of that money. In my mind I am telling myself that I should throw what is left after I pay all the current amounts due into my Dell bill but since I will need to live off of it for the next while I can't even do that. I am in a war zone when it comes to money but I am staying afloat and working hard not to overdraw my account so that I can get out of this Fresh Start Checking Account crap. I hate having to pay a monthly fee every month for my account. At least now I'm not paying a monthly fee plus paying to put money in my account, that really sucked more than I can say. But I plan to work my butt off to get out of debt and live on my own. If I have to I will work 3 jobs this summer, or more. My life will not be my own until I am completely debt free and have proved that I can get out of debt while paying rent and utilities and all that other crap. I need to prove it to myself and too my family who thought coming out here I was running away from my problems. What they don't understand is that I knew what I was doing every step of the way. I knew the only way to change was to get out of Pennsylvania to somewhere I knew people would want to help me be who I am supposed to be not stay where people wanted me to be what they made me. I am not the same controllable, quiet little girl I was almost 7 months ago. I am a self reliant, open minded, semi outspoken woman. I spent years struggling with my weight...in 5 months I lost a little over 50 pounds and I am keeping that weight off. I have killed over $600 of my debt. I am making progress in my life and I am ready for new adventures every step of the way. In the last few weeks alone I have become more spiritual and trying hard to come closer to my Heavenly Father. I am more at peace with who I am and what I am supposed to be doing. I do however wish that just this once I could be frivolous and spend the money I get on something I want not paying off debt and State taxes. But I brought this upon myself and I will do the right thing with the money even though I may be tempted not to. My debt is my problem and nobody elses. It has made me a better person in learning that buying should be on a need to survive basis not a want to have basis. I have learned a lot about myself through my issues with money and I am glad I have Debbie who helped me see the errors of my way and is there to help me get out of the situation I put myself in with debt. She is an awesome accountability partner and I love that she started me on the Dave Ramsey program. Well I am done rambling about my issues with money and my want to spend it. Thanks for listening or I guess reading in this case.